Posts Tagged ‘the best porn’

Incarcerated Bums Choose Best Pay Porn Sites

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Prisoners that are on their best behavior get to avail of one of the biggest perks offered to behaved convicts. They get to sample a bunch of best pay porn sites as part of the annual survey for the annual Porn Site Recognition Night. Many of the prisoners have displayed nothing but excitement towards the announcement and many officials have noted a great change in atmosphere within the prison.

Warden Jack Dempsey offers an observation. “Everyone’s been on their best behavior. Eve our usual trouble makers have been putting their best foot forward just to get a chance to enjoy porn. And I don’t blame them. I can’t even afford membership to such sites on my salary, plus my damned alimony, and then you have these prisoners getting a chance to view the best porn in the world. I gotta tell you, everyone’s walking around like it’s fucking Christmas. It’s wonderful. It’s even starting to become a pleasant working environment. I hope they have this all year long.”

Convicted robber Ernest Fitzgerald, known around the cell block as “Fingers” Fitzgerald, personally can’t wait. “I have been on my best behavior since I was sentenced to stay here. While me being a good prisoner helps with my chances of parole is great and all that, it’s nice that there is something to actually look forward to. We convicts are not going to come out and say that we’re saints and we’ve worked very hard to get where we are, cause we’re not and we don’t, but it still feels nice to have something to break the monotony here. I know a good number of us don’t even deserve any form of privileges, but I’m happy that they give us these opportunities. It’s nice to be counted on something positive and being rewarded for doing good. It helps with the rehabilitation process, you know?”

There are some sectors from both sides of the justice system who are vehemently against this contest. But these naysayers have been more or less drowned out by the vast majority who are in favor of using prisoners as part of the judging system. “It just goes to show that anyone can be properly motivated to aspire for something better than what they currently have, that doing things the right way can be just as rewarding.” Warden Dempsey claims that the future seems brighter for all of his inmates.

Thanks To Best Porn Video, The Streets Are Safe

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

He calls himself the Porn Crusader, a self-made superhero who walks the night using an arsenal of sex toys and other techniques inspired by what he describes as the best porn video ever. In a very revealing interview, the champion of the Canadian province of Newfoundland talked about his exploits. While the hero
refused to name the video that spawned his new identity for fear of copycats, he explained his roots to the best of his ability. The Porn Crusader hopes to share his vision of a better world, a world wherein the streets are safe from drugs and prostitution.

The Porn Crusader’s tale begins a quiet night in his apartment. It was a boring old weeknight, and in his own words, “life was mundane as mundane can possibly be”. He popped a newly rented VHS tape into his player (VHS is still a big thing in his part of the woods) and proceeded to view what he still describes as the “greatest porn video ever made”. He was treated to a stunning series of sexual action that featured the
best in the world of BDSM. That was the point when the Crusader was born. He saw the cries of the
woman bound and gagged, and being pleasured by sex toys. He saw the tears of the world. The pained moans of the woman who was subjected with a string of anal beads only made the Crusader hear her cries of a world in peril. He had heard the call to arms of a world that was tired of taking it in the ass. He felt the the time was right. It was the perfect scenario for the rise of The Porn Crusader.

When asked about his superhero code name, the Crusader looked dumbfounded. “I’m the Porn Crusader. I watched porn, I decided to crusade. What’s weird about that?” When it was explained to him that his name suggests that he was a crusader for the rights of pornographic material, the Crusader’s eyes widened. “Huh?”

Nevertheless, the Crusader had trained himself in martial arts and armed himself with the best sex toys money can buy. Each of the dildos he uses have been customized for combat and pleasure alike. “With
devices created with the intention of inflicting an unforgettably painful experience to its victim, I shall clean up Newfoundland! First, Canada, tomorrow, the world.”

Canada’s most wanted have something to fear now, and his name is The Porn Crusader.

Superhero Icons Equals Best Porn Ever

Monday, January 4th, 2010

There’s nothing that Superman and Batman can’t do together. And it doesn’t go beyond anyone’s imagination that the world’s finest duo can make the world’s finest porn. Slap a sex scene between these two and you instantly have the best porn ever. To those who have seen the straight-to-DVD animated feature film entitled Superman/Batman: Public Enemies”, the possibly could not escape them.

Public Enemies is an animated adaptation of the comic book storyline that pits Superman and Batman against a host of both superheroes and super villains under the employ of then US President Lex Luthor. The comic book story arc featured great action and amazing art. It even had narrative balloons that offer insight to Superman’s and Batman’s thoughts. This gives the reader a unique perspective on each hero’s mutual respect for each other. What’s amazing is that through these narratives, the two completely different characters are put on a parallel that makes anyone able to relate to that kind of friendship.

The animated movie however, with its limitations, was not able to convey their humanity. So what you get is ninety minutes of two muscular men in tights staring at each other and conveying their mutual respect in a manner that can easily be misinterpreted to be something else. This would definitely inspire everyone with nothing but homoerotic thoughts. Throughout the movie, you just wait for them to drop the posing and start making out. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Spoiler alert though, they don’t.

But of course, the movie just opens floodgates in one’s mind. There is just literally a hundred images wherein Batman and Superman getting it on that surface in one’s mind. With Superman’s seemingly limitless powers and Batman’s intellect and arsenal of gadgets, there is nothing these two are not capable of. From vibrating batarangs to cumshots that are faster than a speeding bullet, there is nothing that could possibly top a Superman and Batman porn movie. Unless of course they manage to convince Wonder Woman to do a threesome. That would be the be all and end all of porn scenes. But hell, why limit it to the big three? Get the entire Justice League in there for a full blown orgy! Just the thought of the Martian Manhunter and Plastic Man shape-shifting into different sexual devices is already worth watching. And what will Aquaman bring to the table?

Adult Video Sites Assemble!

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Call them the team of the century. Call them the best collaboration since Michael Jackson jammed with Paul McCartney. Call them whatever you want, as long as you keep your eyes and eyes open for the products these three are about to produce! The three best creators of adult video sites have decided to pool their remarkable talents to give the best porn video site the world has yet to see.

Jeremy Jones, the mastermind behind several of the most visited all around porn video site has tied his fortunes in with two of the best in the business. Jones will be the front man on this ambitious project leading Roy Lee and Benedict Raymund. Lee is the top web site designer for many porn sites, while Raymund is a software genius whose work has greatly contributed to the video on demand concept. These three are putting together what they claim to be “the be all and end all of all porn sites”. It is Joes that gathered these three of them together, and he happily informs people that he got the idea from comic books.

“What are the two top comic book companies in the world today?” asked Jones. “Marvel and DC, right? And in those two top companies, which comics showcase their best superheroes? That’s the Avengers for Marvel and the Justice League in DC. You know what I noticed? In both groups, they have what geeks like me call the Big Three. For the Avengers it’s Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man. For the League, it’s Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. What do they have in common? Nothing!” Jones punctuated the statement with a two minute long maniacal laugh.

Once he has calmed down, Jones was able to explain is take on it. His interpretation was that if you would take three people of completely different specialties and personalities it would make for an effective team dynamic. This is especially if the three people coming together are considered to be the best at what they do. Jones, Lee and Raymund say that they have a very big surprise for all fans of porn in the coming year.

“We’re very big fans of porn” says Jones. “So we know what the real fans out there want. So we are going to work hard to give them the ultimate porn site. The best part of course, is that we’re doing it for free!”

Interview with Fight Choreographer Of Best Porn Videos.

Monday, December 7th, 2009

When it comes to hot porn action, many people focus on the hot porn and sometimes neglect to notice the action. We sat down with Nigel McWolfe, a world renowned fight coordinator and choreographer for many of the best porn videos of all time. He’s here to talk about the many dazzling stories of his career. McWolfe has been doing fight choreography for most of his life, before retiring at the young age of 35 to pursue other endeavors, like writing.

“It has been a wild, amazing ride for me” exclaims McWolfe with nearly a teary eyed expression. “I feel like I’ve really established myself in the porn industry. I’m very thankful for the last several years, for being just part of the business in that capacity.”

McWolfe is a former stuntman that went into fight choreography after a near fatal accident. His first few gigs were for some low budget action movies. During one of these jobs, he was approached by the lead actor, who actually does some porn work on the side, and offered McWolfe a stint at a porno he was doing. At first McWolfe was reluctant, but he soon fell in love with the usiness and decided to stay.

“At first I didn’t think that there’d be enough jobs for me, but I was obviously wrong. Like most people, I didn’t appreciate the other aspects of the porn industry, and I didn’t even know that any of them had any fight scenes. Now, I tell everyone I meet that the best porn videos have awesome fight scenes!” McWolfe’s body of work is not a fancy as some of his Hollywood counterparts, but McWolfe had learned to do the best with a smaller budget. “If the director knows what he’s doing, then I wouldn’t have to worry. And I’m proud to say that I’ve worked with the best directors ever, and I noticed that none of them are doing mainstream movies!”

McWolfe has just finished writing his memoirs, and he’s hoping to get it published. He says it contains many amazing stories about the porn industry as well as some of the celebrities he has had the pleasure of working with, as a stuntman and as a choreographer. While still looking for a publisher, McWolfe has already wasted no time trying to promote the book. “My life is full of anecdotes, and I’m sure that anyone would find my memoirs a great read.”

Found Vintage Adult Videos Up for Grabs!

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

A few months ago, a wealthy resident from Beverly Hills made some rather unwise investments around the time the stock market crashed. The result of which was a repossession of all his earthly belongings. The resident, who will remain anonymous for propriety’s sake, was unable to reclaim his property as his last ditch attempt to score big with other investments failed. Because of this, everything he owned is now currently up for auction.

Now, this tale is a fairly common one especially during such a sad time in global economy. What makes this story interesting is the resident himself, who along with his other stuff, lost a very valuable collection.

It turns out the man is somewhat of a connoisseur of adult videos. His collection of classic and hard to find cult favorite porn titles is so vast that the bank is holding a very special auction for these movies. These films come in a variety of formats, from 16 and 8 mm reels to betamax, VHS tapes, and several laser disc copies.

The selection includes classics like the first release of Debbie Does Dallas and other classic porn, as well as first appearances of famous porn stars like Tera Patrick, Peter North, Jesse Jane, Tracy Lords, Ron Jeremy and many other legends in the industry.

The collection also spans the globe as well as genres. He has the best porn from every country and every niche ever made. This treasure chest of smut features everything from hardcore, softcore, all the way to gay porn and bondage.

The true gems of this impressive collection are the 8 mm and 16 mm tape reels that feature truly vintage adult films that were made in the 60s and earlier. When asked to comment about his collection, the resident seemed forlorn about losing a library that he had worked so hard to assemble. “People would call me a pervert just because I collect these” he said. “I just find it very amusing, and worth collecting. I’ve often been fascinated by porn, and I think of porn as a reflection of society, or the society it was forged from.”

“Watch the really old ones, you’d see girls parading around in their granny panties. Watch the Japanese porn tapes I have, and see how different their porn is compared to their Western counterparts. Porn is not just for perverse purpose.”

It is reported that a portion of the proceeds from the auction will go to the Foundation Against Sex Addicts.

Pornppv.com Offers the Best of Porn Online at Pay-per-view Prices

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Want to watch the best porn on the Internet without blowing your pocketbook or getting bombarded with viruses from ‘free’ porn sites? Pornppv.com has created by far the best porn site on the Internet featuring the hottest videos from the hottest studios in the world. Best of all, you get access to all of this on the Net through your choice of pay-per-minute or video on demand purchasing formats, and you can even choose to download the videos to own. Simple and easy formats to get you the videos you desire!

What makes Pornppv.com the best possible site it can be? Well, offering the latest as well as highest ranked videos on the Internet can be a daunting task, but this site takes thousands of videos, including the hottest new releases, and organizes them according to over 140 specific keyword genres, ensuring that there is something here for every porn enthusiast. The challenge was taken on and conquered, this is the site you want to get friendly with.

You will not find any sites with more content, or more browsing features to help you find adult material that caters to your taste, or a better pricing structure than Pornppv.com- hands down the best porn site on the Web. Come in and check it out, this site has something for everybody!

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