The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

Prisoners that are on their best behavior get to avail of one of the biggest perks offered to behaved convicts. They get to sample a bunch of best pay porn sites as part of the annual survey for the annual Porn Site Recognition Night. Many of the prisoners have displayed nothing but excitement towards the announcement and many officials have noted a great change in atmosphere within the prison.

Warden Jack Dempsey offers an observation. “Everyone’s been on their best behavior. Eve our usual trouble makers have been putting their best foot forward just to get a chance to enjoy porn. And I don’t blame them. I can’t even afford membership to such sites on my salary, plus my damned alimony, and then you have these prisoners getting a chance to view the best porn in the world. I gotta tell you, everyone’s walking around like it’s fucking Christmas. It’s wonderful. It’s even starting to become a pleasant working environment. I hope they have this all year long.”

Convicted robber Ernest Fitzgerald, known around the cell block as “Fingers” Fitzgerald, personally can’t wait. “I have been on my best behavior since I was sentenced to stay here. While me being a good prisoner helps with my chances of parole is great and all that, it’s nice that there is something to actually look forward to. We convicts are not going to come out and say that we’re saints and we’ve worked very hard to get where we are, cause we’re not and we don’t, but it still feels nice to have something to break the monotony here. I know a good number of us don’t even deserve any form of privileges, but I’m happy that they give us these opportunities. It’s nice to be counted on something positive and being rewarded for doing good. It helps with the rehabilitation process, you know?”

There are some sectors from both sides of the justice system who are vehemently against this contest. But these naysayers have been more or less drowned out by the vast majority who are in favor of using prisoners as part of the judging system. “It just goes to show that anyone can be properly motivated to aspire for something better than what they currently have, that doing things the right way can be just as rewarding.” Warden Dempsey claims that the future seems brighter for all of his inmates.

For several years, many have only whispered about the man that’s known as the world’s best sex video thief. His exploits at acquiring sex tapes and the like are nothing but legendary. If there is a porn video in existence that he wanted to get his hands on, there is no force on Earth that could stop him from his goal. He is the best at what he does.

A few days ago, however, a tape surfaced among the Illuminati who were familiar with the man’s work. The tape featured, for the first time, the legendary thief’s face and a very special announcement. The thief revealed his true identity, Ignacio, and declared that he will be retiring from the craft that had made him such a famous, or infamous, figure.

Many pondered if this is truly the end of this legend. There are hundreds of questions and rumors that are circulating around porn collectors. A great contingent of these collectors believe the tape is nothing but a hoax. This is nothing more than some punk looking to grab on to fifteen minutes of fame. Others, however, are not so skeptical. Many wonder if he had passed on his skills and gifts to a young protégé, if there was someone out there.

Even Ignacio himself did not offer any reason for retiring, nor any explanation behind his decision to reveal his identity now. It is the lack of these explanations that raise the collective eyebrows of the skeptics. One of the many popular theories that are circulating is that the man on the tape is being framed by the true Ignacio himself, as the identity of the man on the video has not been verified as of yet.

Whether or not Ignacio is the genuine article, and whether or not the general consensus of the people still cannot agree on the validity of the video, everyone has expressed an enormous amount of respect for the man and the legacy he left. He truly was the best porn video thief to have ever walked the earth, and despite his despicable craft, the utter excellence he displayed in carrying out his tasks have been nothing but purely artistic.

In a small suburban community, two warring bloodlines have found an unlikely truce after decades of dissent. The ceasefire occurred thanks in no small part to teen porn videos.

The Dibnys and the Allens have been at it since the mid-seventies. Apparently, the heads of both families have known each other since high school, and started out as the best of friends. They were all dating the person that they were destined to marry, and they were all happy about it. The four of them visualized their futures together. They thought they would grow old the way the Flintstones and the Rubbles did, living side by side and becoming family.

Their respective competitive natures, however, did not make that possible. When the men from both camps both decided to run for student body president, it was deemed to be a friendly competition. It did not take long for both camps to take a simple student election too seriously. From spreading rumors and even deep secrets from behind the backs of their campaign adversaries, to basic mudslinging and even blatant sabotaging the other camp’s campaign, the two couples turned the election dirtier than real politics. Both candidates were eventually disqualified for their acts.

In college, all four of them attended the local university. The friendship was long over, and there was nothing more that could possibly fix it. Both couples got married shortly after graduating, and in an amusing twist of events ended up living right next to each other. Neither couple invited the other to their wedding nor took any active step to mend any of the wounds they have inflicted upon each other for many years.

Both couples have been blessed with sons, and they raised each son to despise the other family. For many years it was ugly, to the point that early morning shouting matches had become routine. Each clan fought over the most mundane of things.

One day, their sons, Barry and Ralph, ran into each other in a local video store. They made an effort to ignore each other, but when they both ended up in the same aisle. They couldn’t avoid it. It turns out the two were there to get porn movies, and once this intimate secret has been shared, they got to talking, and discovered that both had a lot in common. They got along pretty well, and became the best of friends.

Their friendship remained a secret, until their parents found out about their porn watching ways. Now, their parents get together once a week to scold both young men, and it has become a family tradition.

The teen pornstar known as Joey Morrison has one thing that he believes sets him apart from all the other porn superstars in the industry today. He claims he is the most disciplined up and coming pornstar in the world. He claims this is true and he thanks his intensive martial arts background for it. Morrison has been a practitioner of several exotic fighting techniques and has applied that same level of discipline into his porn performances.

Perhaps what’s truly amazing is that Morrison not only is in peak physical condition, he also is constantly improving his skills. He works diligently to increase his repertoire. He already has a rich arsenal of trademark moves known as the angry beaver, the broken jackhammer and numerous others that he has displayed in his film appearances. “My next new big move is going to be called Assault on the Hairy Clam, which involves a girl’s labia and my lips, and no tongue whatsoever. It’s still not perfect, but I’m getting there.”

Morrison’s work has greatly impressed many people both in and out of the porn industry. Many of the current top stars believe that Morrison is the next generation of adult film stars. Directors and producers view him as an individual with limitless potential and all the right tools to succeed, with lack of experience being the only thing that’s holding him back. Morrison appreciates all the compliments he’s receiving.

However, he tries not to put too much weight behind those comments. “Right now, I understand I’m fairly new to the industry and I don’t want things like that to pop into my head. It’s not that I’m not honored or proud, because I am. I just don’t want to induce my mind with things that may or may not make me complacent. I want nothing less but to be the best at what I do, and currently, I know I’ve got a whole world of things that I still need to learn.”

The young stud achieves a clear state of mind whenever he meditates, and he says it is through his constant meditation that he is able to conjure up the amazing feats he displays during performances. “I strongly suggest it to those who aspire a career in porn. Though I may be a bit too green to give out advice like that, but it truly has helped me a lot, personally and professionally.”

For many Americans, watching hot Asian porn and other porn from different exotic countries provide a taste of something different. Over the years though, interest for such an endeavor to taste the unknown has waned due to many Americans being desensitized by it all. With every single person in the world seemingly attainable, the lost sense of mystique has become a harbinger that these porn movies are about to come to a very abrupt extinction.

Thankfully, those with a thirst for watching two or more individuals having sexual relations with others of a different culture and race now have a seemingly limitless alternative. It’s called alien porn, and it seems to be quite the rage these days. Where else can one find true diversity if not the sheer vastness of the universe? While there have been many porn videos in the past several decades, there is a recent boom in interest when it comes to alien porn, and there is only one man who deserves credit for it. That man is none other than Mr. Avatar himself, James Cameron.

Cameron’s recent foray into celluloid, Avatar, has once again rocked box office records despite nay sayers claiming that it is nothing more than a blue skinned Pocahontas rip off. To the more educated film viewers, Avatar was generally looked upon as nothing but eye candy. And with the movie being nearly three hours long, these critics compare one viewing of Avatar indeed was the equivalent of having too much candy. Its sweet at first and you’ll regret it later.

For porn fans, however, Avatar is something way more. The casual porn fans, the ones who have become jaded with the repetitiveness of most porn genres, saw something that they did not expect would happen in a James Cameron movie. They got aroused. When the two aliens got naked and had wild sex in the field as the freaky alien surroundings swayed and all that, they got aroused. And now it seems Avatar has become the salvation of the porn movie, as people have now raced to find more alien porn in the Internet.

There is finally a solution to the exotic drought, and producers of alien porn are not taking this boom lightly. Many videos featuring the weirdest of alien races imaginable have been popping up in videos, happily gratifying a lonely human or two.

Try and watch some alien porn. You are guaranteed to cum in peace.

Hot porn videos have always attracted a different breed of audience. Being a medium that caters to the utterly bizarre, it is not surprising that the industry is in a constant state of evolution. Some people call it degeneracy. But for many porn fans, it’s only a simple process of widening one’s horizons. Many believe that while porn niches tend to be unique to the point that it only has a particular group of fans, it is still difficult not to appreciate such a level of diversity.

However, when it comes to pushing the envelope, amateur porn film maker Raymond Garcia may have finally crossed over and discovered the next step in this sensual evolution. Raymond is a little known porn director from the South who had just inherited a sizeable fortune from his deceased parents who had amassed their wealth from their humble convenience store. When asked what he would do with the money, Garcia replied rather dryly “I’m putting up my own porn production company.”

Initially mistaken by his friends to be drowning in grief and denial, it did not take long for Garcia to display the sincerity of his intentions. A mere month later and The Warrior Poet Porn Company was established, with Garcia plunking down his entire inheritance in hopes that the initial project would make the outfit successful. Many were even more skeptical when his first movie came out with virtually no human sex scenes shown.

The film is entitled “Bumping Uglies”, and it features a bunch of computer generated monsters having sex while rampaging in a populated city. Garcia, who has always been enamored by insects and other creatures mating, believes that the film could very well be the legacy that he leaves. Written and directed by Garcia himself, “Bumping Uglies” is intended to be the ultimate symbolism for the chaos that the modern man has to face.

“I have always felt a kinship with monsters” Garcia revealed. “The movie starts off in a frenzy, as a giant spider terrorizing Omaha is thwarted by a dragon, and the two creatures suddenly start copulating. The sheer absurdness of it all causes all of the monsters in the world, buried deep within the Earth’s core, to rise up and join in. It’s a drama.”

“Bumping Uglies” should finish production once Garcia decides to stop pleasuring himself in the editing bay.

A local school in the Canadian town of Okotoks has recently celebrated its 25th anniversary, and it was highlighted by the opening of the time capsule that was buried in the ground on the schools opening day. When the capsule was opened, everyone was astounded by the fact that among the numerous memorabilia and mementos found from the raging 80s, a bunch of full length porn videos were stashed as well.

Needless to say, the presence of porn in the silver anniversary of an elementary in a small quiet town pretty much killed everyone’s mood. Embarrassed by the whole fiasco, the principal of the school promised a full blown investigation. He claimed that it was the biggest scandal in Okotoks history and he was not going to allow this incident to become just another cold case.

Principal Ned Simpson was actually on hand when the school first opened. He had started out in Okotoks Elementary as an English teacher, priding himself as a lover of all forms of conventional communication. One glaring exception of course, was porn. “The only thing that these movies communicate is the acceptance of indecency” said the extremely incensed principal. “This may have been the work of a delinquent student who thought it would be funny to tarnish this great academic institution’s reputation. It may have happened 25 years ago, but I will find the culprit and bring him to justice.”

Simpson has a list of suspects comprising of the students who he deemed had “severe attitude problems” and were enrolled in the school at the time. The major contributors to the contents of the time capsules were students. Each of the students newly enrolled students to put one thing that they want the world of the future to see. It was clear, however, that one person wanted to display that something will always remain constant in the world, and that’s pornography.

Simpson claims that none of the teachers then, who supervised the student’s contribution, can possibly be the culprit. “There is no chance that any of my esteemed faculty members could have done it. I know each and every one of them, and the majority of them are still employed here in this institution. It’s unlikely that any one of them could have done it. It’s definitely a student.”

Simpson is currently conducting deep interrogations on the teachers who were there on that fateful day, trying to gather more information on the possible suspects. Simpson vows that he will not stop until this grave error has been corrected.

The Porn Search Academy is opening up its gates to everyone aspiring to be a part of the growing world of the adult film industry. Through the PSA, students will learn about the ins and outs of the beloved industry and gain useful insight in all of the aspects of porn film production. With academy comprising of the most gifted members of the adult film industry, students are definitely ensured of a bright future in perhaps one of the most alluring and provocative media of entertainment known to man.

For aspiring performers, there are highly intensive acting workshops available to suit the various levels of acting necessary to make it and take it in porn. From basic acting to a full blown course on how to properly react when being gang banged by four or more guys, the PSA promises that students will graduate fully equipped to handle the pressure of appearing on camera. For those who are more inclined to peek behind the curtain and unravel the secrets behind porn movie magic, a competitive porn filmmaking course is offered. Students will get the best technical and aesthetic education about making an effective porn movie, using only the top of the line porn making equipment. For the natural storyteller, a porn screenwriting workshop is offered, with the students’ scripts having a realistic chance to be produced into an actual movie. Learn to weave intricate tales and create larger than life yet still relatable characters who spout off witty banter from the top writers in the business.

For the entrepreneurial soul, a crash course of adult film production is offered. Be a big shot producer and learn how to work the typical porn film budget, acquire locations and audition talent. Other minor courses include porn lighting, porn art direction, porn FX and sound design and basic sex toy troubleshooting. Develop all the special skills necessary to carve your own path in the world of adult film!

“The world of film is not unlike the rest of the real world” said PSA founder Mark Jizzon. “A good education and a complete and thorough training will always give an individual a clear advantage over the rest of his or her peers. We at the PSA believe that only through our rigid training would better help aspiring porn people have that edge over the very stiff competition. Our students can definitely stick it to their rivals.”

A local computer shop nearly went under due to a porn download that quickly went south. Rob, one of the technicians on the shop, apparently got bored with his designated station in life that he decided to spice things up and use the shop’s resources to download a few adult videos. Since the shop owner and manager of the store, Garrison Lance, was completely ignorant about all things computer-related with the glaring exception of how to sell them, Rob was pretty much in the clear.

Downloading porn had become somewhat of a habit for Rob. He’d come in and wait for his boss to grab lunch. He then hit the net and fill his download queue with his favorite adult films. Since his boss always asks Rob to go on overtime, (something that Rob has truly come to despise) Rob had an opportunity to take the finished downloads and copy them to his own personal disk. Rob’s passive aggressive brand of rebellion has gone on for weeks. Rob was beginning to get drunk on his own power. He felt he was untouchable, and he took up the shenanigans another notch. With his own personal hard drive getting full of porn, he had to stash the new downloads somewhere until he managed to come up with enough money to buy a new hard rive with bigger memory. For all of Rob’s shortcomings, he had been very adamant against theft, so the thought of just stealing a hard drive from a computer shop that gets more than its fair share of shoplifters never occurred to him. He did not, however, have any qualms about “borrowing” items.

In the backroom of the store lay a box of hard disk drives that had been sitting there for months. Any hope that these items would be sold had long ago been destroyed. So Rob, trusted employee that he is, decided to store an adult movie or two in each of the drives, secure in the knowledge that nothing would ever happen.

As Rob was on his day off, Mr. Lance had a very novel idea to save the store form dwindling sales. The store had a very special sale wherein anyone who buys a computer gets a brand new free extra hard disk drive. Needless to say all of Rob’s secret stash had been disposed. Once Rob came back to work and discovered what happened, he nearly had a panic attack, but decided to remain silent. He thought that the people would not mind getting a free porn movie with their purchase.

He was right, or course. People did not mind the porn. What they did mind was purchasing something that was advertised as “new” only to find out that it was not the case. Rob is now unemployed and facing legal action.

In the sleepy town of St. Kevin in Dakota, a silence has been broken that would inevitably ruin the community forever. The small, God-worshipping town had never come to expect that anyone of its resident would ever engage in video sex, and no one definitely expected that footage to show up in the most unlikely of places.

The majority of the residents of the small town make it a point to go to the local Catholic Church every Sunday morning. Nearly all of the townspeople show up for this mass that holding a second mass have been deemed unnecessary. Every Sunday morning, the peaceful St. Kevin folk sing and pray as one community. On one particular Sunday morning though, things have changed forever. An unknown individual had somehow infiltrated the church’s secured video projector and programmed it to transit the footage of two of the town’s resident’s doing the insidious act of fornicating over the Internet for all the town’s folk to see.

The participants of the vile sex act were in attendance of that same Mass, and the two endured several minutes of the entire town’s disdain. The scandal has the entire town in an uproar, and the mysterious identity of the person who had projected their images in the church has yet to be discovered. There have been a few suspects in the couple’s mind.

“I think it’s that creepy guy from the store” claimed Sally May, the once virginal girl next door. He’s always just outside the store, leering at me whenever I come by to pick up the groceries.” One problem with this theory is that the aforementioned weirdo, Lloyd, is not competent enough to pull off something even close to the scale of what was done to Sally May and her lover, Tom.

Everyone is assuming that the incident was nothing but a prank by the local computer whiz kids. “If it is a prank it’s a pretty sick one” said Tom. “That was a private between me and Sally May. No one had a right to do what they did. I don’t care who it is that did it. Once I find him, or her, or them, I will personally put them through as much humiliation as they put me and Sally May through.”