Posts Tagged ‘porn’

Is The Era Of Adult Videos Over?

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Television, the raw and edgy kind that is showcased these days, has been drawing the life out of our beloved adult videos. It started with HBO, when they liberalized their programming with original productions that freely expressed sex and violence. The popularity of shows like The Sopranos, Sex and the City and Entourage have inspired many pretenders to the throne. Some may even prove to be superior to the predecessor. But, in this war for ratings, perhaps a totally unrelated industry has become a silent casualty.

The adult industry is faced with this new competition now. We now have programs that have full frontal nudity and continuous simulated sex acts that are set off by superior storylines and the sort of acting prowess that only porn stars only have wet dreams about. How could porn possibly compete with shows that are not only entertaining, but are also enough to get the audience to pleasure themselves? These shows have become a complete package. Television programming grew over the decades, and porn productions mostly remain to be the one note joke that it always has been, oft relying on shock and novelty to keep viewers watching. The problem is, shock and novelty is hard to come by when every individual has access to sex, violence, dirty language and all things once considered taboo on television, even on cable.

Indeed, there is trouble brewing in the future of porn, and the sad thing about it is that porn does not seem to be putting up much of a fight to alleviate their impending death. Will the producers of adult films, jaded as they are in their comfortable state at the top of the porn food chain, even notice the threat that is on the horizon? The enemy is the idiot box, and the enemy is a pretty crafty one. TV is going to be like a ninja that is going to swoop in deep into porn territory and slit the throat of the entire industry before it even notices the danger. The only way to keep up is to actually try to keep up.

With the porn industry’s resources, there is no excuse to put up a much harder fight that they are displaying right now. It’s a basic supply and demand issue, the problem is the producers of the porn industry is not taking seriously the fact that someone else is slowly and surely supplying the demands of the industry’s audience. The sound of the death knell resonates.

Best Porn Videos Used Against Annoying Neighbors.

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

Of all the things one can use against irritatingly loud neighbors, no one would have ever expected to employ the aid of best porn videos. But that’s exactly what Sherman did last weekend when he finally had enough of his neighbor’s incessant noise-making.

Sherman is a guy who lives alone and is perfectly happy about it. Working in a very fast paced job all week, Sherman craves the escape only his weekends could provide him. All he needed to do was stay in for two straight days, watch TV and just relax, and Sherman would not only be happy, but fully prepared to deal with what the outside world had to offer him in the coming week. For several months Sherman had been enjoying this solitude, until a week ago when the new neighbors moved in.

Since his old neighbor died, Sherman had been worrying about how the inevitable new neighbors would affect his way of life. When the new neighbors finally did show up, Sherman’s worst nightmares had been realized. The new neighbors were a page right out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They were rednecks to a superlative degree, but instead of the murderous kind, these were the overly friendly types.

They never left Sherman alone, and his ideal weekends were shattered by the family next door’s constant chatter. Scathing country music blared from their stereos all day, and their grooming habits were the exact opposite of Sherman’s. Sherman has tried to be reasonable and understanding, priding himself as being a tolerant and intellectual being. But being human, he had limitations. His neighbors went beyond those limitations one fateful Saturday night when the rowdy family had taken to drinking too many beers. Sherman knew at that point that they were not human. They were not like him. They were a cancer that threatens his very way of life.

So, he lured them to their home, with the promise of a box of porn videos that he needed disposing. They were eager to help. Free porn was something that this family would never turn down. Sherman was sure of it. Their degeneracy knew no bounds. He told them they were all in the basement. The rowdy neighbors entered. Sherman smiled a satisfied smile, and the neighbors were never heard from again.

Sherman spent the entire Sunday cleaning up happily, knowing that the following weekend would be an extreme improvement.

Disturbed Person Looks to End Adult Video Sites Forever

Friday, January 29th, 2010

He calls himself the Cleanser. For months now, he has been threatening to destroy all adult video sites on the planet. So far his threats have not been given the attention he may have hoped to get as he was easily dismissed as another pranksters online. However, as time went by, the consistency of the Cleansers threatening comments on various web sites have caused some concerned individuals to fret.

In his many tirades against all porn sites on the Internet, the Cleanser has yet to reveal any details as to how he would go about destroying the porn sites of the world, but he has given out implicit details as to why. While maintaining to conceal his identity, the Cleanser has made in it known that his quest to rid the world of its porn sites is not motivated by any moral purpose or inclination, but his hate is fueled only by the thought of exacting revenge. According to him, he once had a loving family, until the insurgence of adult video sites in his life have caused him to lose the love of his wife and the respect5 of his children. The Cleanser wants it known that he will not stop until he has made the world a better, safer and cleaner place for all families across the globe.

A task force is being formed to stop the Cleanser’s insidious plans. Heading the task force is prominent pro-porn cop Harry Brunswick, who is intent on stopping the Cleanser’s mad scheme at any cost. “It is our department’s opinion that this Cleanser fellow is someone who is truly capable when it comes to computers and hacking, as no one can’t seem to track down his whereabouts using the computer despite the frequency of his threatening messages. We do have the best people looking into the matter, and the porn industry has lent a hand by hiring members of the private sector, the best that money can buy. We will nail this creep, even if it is the very last thing I do.

The Cleanser knows firsthand about the threat the task force poses on his plans. He claims that tipping their hand this early is a mistake. According to one of his cryptic messages, “there is nothing Brunswick and the rest of his clowns can stop me. My revenge is not a threat, but an inevitability. I will end porn sites, and it is only a matter of time.”

The World’s Best Sex Video Thief Makes Identity KnownThe World’s Best Sex Video Thief Makes Identity Known

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

For several years, many have only whispered about the man that’s known as the world’s best sex video thief. His exploits at acquiring sex tapes and the like are nothing but legendary. If there is a porn video in existence that he wanted to get his hands on, there is no force on Earth that could stop him from his goal. He is the best at what he does.

A few days ago, however, a tape surfaced among the Illuminati who were familiar with the man’s work. The tape featured, for the first time, the legendary thief’s face and a very special announcement. The thief revealed his true identity, Ignacio, and declared that he will be retiring from the craft that had made him such a famous, or infamous, figure.

Many pondered if this is truly the end of this legend. There are hundreds of questions and rumors that are circulating around porn collectors. A great contingent of these collectors believe the tape is nothing but a hoax. This is nothing more than some punk looking to grab on to fifteen minutes of fame. Others, however, are not so skeptical. Many wonder if he had passed on his skills and gifts to a young protégé, if there was someone out there.

Even Ignacio himself did not offer any reason for retiring, nor any explanation behind his decision to reveal his identity now. It is the lack of these explanations that raise the collective eyebrows of the skeptics. One of the many popular theories that are circulating is that the man on the tape is being framed by the true Ignacio himself, as the identity of the man on the video has not been verified as of yet.

Whether or not Ignacio is the genuine article, and whether or not the general consensus of the people still cannot agree on the validity of the video, everyone has expressed an enormous amount of respect for the man and the legacy he left. He truly was the best porn video thief to have ever walked the earth, and despite his despicable craft, the utter excellence he displayed in carrying out his tasks have been nothing but purely artistic.

Teen Pornstar Tells World His Kung Fu Is Strong

Monday, January 25th, 2010

The teen pornstar known as Joey Morrison has one thing that he believes sets him apart from all the other porn superstars in the industry today. He claims he is the most disciplined up and coming pornstar in the world. He claims this is true and he thanks his intensive martial arts background for it. Morrison has been a practitioner of several exotic fighting techniques and has applied that same level of discipline into his porn performances.

Perhaps what’s truly amazing is that Morrison not only is in peak physical condition, he also is constantly improving his skills. He works diligently to increase his repertoire. He already has a rich arsenal of trademark moves known as the angry beaver, the broken jackhammer and numerous others that he has displayed in his film appearances. “My next new big move is going to be called Assault on the Hairy Clam, which involves a girl’s labia and my lips, and no tongue whatsoever. It’s still not perfect, but I’m getting there.”

Morrison’s work has greatly impressed many people both in and out of the porn industry. Many of the current top stars believe that Morrison is the next generation of adult film stars. Directors and producers view him as an individual with limitless potential and all the right tools to succeed, with lack of experience being the only thing that’s holding him back. Morrison appreciates all the compliments he’s receiving.

However, he tries not to put too much weight behind those comments. “Right now, I understand I’m fairly new to the industry and I don’t want things like that to pop into my head. It’s not that I’m not honored or proud, because I am. I just don’t want to induce my mind with things that may or may not make me complacent. I want nothing less but to be the best at what I do, and currently, I know I’ve got a whole world of things that I still need to learn.”

The young stud achieves a clear state of mind whenever he meditates, and he says it is through his constant meditation that he is able to conjure up the amazing feats he displays during performances. “I strongly suggest it to those who aspire a career in porn. Though I may be a bit too green to give out advice like that, but it truly has helped me a lot, personally and professionally.”

Hot Porn Videos to Cater to Creature Feature Fans

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

Hot porn videos have always attracted a different breed of audience. Being a medium that caters to the utterly bizarre, it is not surprising that the industry is in a constant state of evolution. Some people call it degeneracy. But for many porn fans, it’s only a simple process of widening one’s horizons. Many believe that while porn niches tend to be unique to the point that it only has a particular group of fans, it is still difficult not to appreciate such a level of diversity.

However, when it comes to pushing the envelope, amateur porn film maker Raymond Garcia may have finally crossed over and discovered the next step in this sensual evolution. Raymond is a little known porn director from the South who had just inherited a sizeable fortune from his deceased parents who had amassed their wealth from their humble convenience store. When asked what he would do with the money, Garcia replied rather dryly “I’m putting up my own porn production company.”

Initially mistaken by his friends to be drowning in grief and denial, it did not take long for Garcia to display the sincerity of his intentions. A mere month later and The Warrior Poet Porn Company was established, with Garcia plunking down his entire inheritance in hopes that the initial project would make the outfit successful. Many were even more skeptical when his first movie came out with virtually no human sex scenes shown.

The film is entitled “Bumping Uglies”, and it features a bunch of computer generated monsters having sex while rampaging in a populated city. Garcia, who has always been enamored by insects and other creatures mating, believes that the film could very well be the legacy that he leaves. Written and directed by Garcia himself, “Bumping Uglies” is intended to be the ultimate symbolism for the chaos that the modern man has to face.

“I have always felt a kinship with monsters” Garcia revealed. “The movie starts off in a frenzy, as a giant spider terrorizing Omaha is thwarted by a dragon, and the two creatures suddenly start copulating. The sheer absurdness of it all causes all of the monsters in the world, buried deep within the Earth’s core, to rise up and join in. It’s a drama.”

“Bumping Uglies” should finish production once Garcia decides to stop pleasuring himself in the editing bay.

Canadian Town Preserves Full Length Porn Videos

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

A local school in the Canadian town of Okotoks has recently celebrated its 25th anniversary, and it was highlighted by the opening of the time capsule that was buried in the ground on the schools opening day. When the capsule was opened, everyone was astounded by the fact that among the numerous memorabilia and mementos found from the raging 80s, a bunch of full length porn videos were stashed as well.

Needless to say, the presence of porn in the silver anniversary of an elementary in a small quiet town pretty much killed everyone’s mood. Embarrassed by the whole fiasco, the principal of the school promised a full blown investigation. He claimed that it was the biggest scandal in Okotoks history and he was not going to allow this incident to become just another cold case.

Principal Ned Simpson was actually on hand when the school first opened. He had started out in Okotoks Elementary as an English teacher, priding himself as a lover of all forms of conventional communication. One glaring exception of course, was porn. “The only thing that these movies communicate is the acceptance of indecency” said the extremely incensed principal. “This may have been the work of a delinquent student who thought it would be funny to tarnish this great academic institution’s reputation. It may have happened 25 years ago, but I will find the culprit and bring him to justice.”

Simpson has a list of suspects comprising of the students who he deemed had “severe attitude problems” and were enrolled in the school at the time. The major contributors to the contents of the time capsules were students. Each of the students newly enrolled students to put one thing that they want the world of the future to see. It was clear, however, that one person wanted to display that something will always remain constant in the world, and that’s pornography.

Simpson claims that none of the teachers then, who supervised the student’s contribution, can possibly be the culprit. “There is no chance that any of my esteemed faculty members could have done it. I know each and every one of them, and the majority of them are still employed here in this institution. It’s unlikely that any one of them could have done it. It’s definitely a student.”

Simpson is currently conducting deep interrogations on the teachers who were there on that fateful day, trying to gather more information on the possible suspects. Simpson vows that he will not stop until this grave error has been corrected.

Porn Search Academy’s Doors Open Up

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

The Porn Search Academy is opening up its gates to everyone aspiring to be a part of the growing world of the adult film industry. Through the PSA, students will learn about the ins and outs of the beloved industry and gain useful insight in all of the aspects of porn film production. With academy comprising of the most gifted members of the adult film industry, students are definitely ensured of a bright future in perhaps one of the most alluring and provocative media of entertainment known to man.

For aspiring performers, there are highly intensive acting workshops available to suit the various levels of acting necessary to make it and take it in porn. From basic acting to a full blown course on how to properly react when being gang banged by four or more guys, the PSA promises that students will graduate fully equipped to handle the pressure of appearing on camera. For those who are more inclined to peek behind the curtain and unravel the secrets behind porn movie magic, a competitive porn filmmaking course is offered. Students will get the best technical and aesthetic education about making an effective porn movie, using only the top of the line porn making equipment. For the natural storyteller, a porn screenwriting workshop is offered, with the students’ scripts having a realistic chance to be produced into an actual movie. Learn to weave intricate tales and create larger than life yet still relatable characters who spout off witty banter from the top writers in the business.

For the entrepreneurial soul, a crash course of adult film production is offered. Be a big shot producer and learn how to work the typical porn film budget, acquire locations and audition talent. Other minor courses include porn lighting, porn art direction, porn FX and sound design and basic sex toy troubleshooting. Develop all the special skills necessary to carve your own path in the world of adult film!

“The world of film is not unlike the rest of the real world” said PSA founder Mark Jizzon. “A good education and a complete and thorough training will always give an individual a clear advantage over the rest of his or her peers. We at the PSA believe that only through our rigid training would better help aspiring porn people have that edge over the very stiff competition. Our students can definitely stick it to their rivals.”

Tragedy Strikes As Porn Download Goes Awry

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

A local computer shop nearly went under due to a porn download that quickly went south. Rob, one of the technicians on the shop, apparently got bored with his designated station in life that he decided to spice things up and use the shop’s resources to download a few adult videos. Since the shop owner and manager of the store, Garrison Lance, was completely ignorant about all things computer-related with the glaring exception of how to sell them, Rob was pretty much in the clear.

Downloading porn had become somewhat of a habit for Rob. He’d come in and wait for his boss to grab lunch. He then hit the net and fill his download queue with his favorite adult films. Since his boss always asks Rob to go on overtime, (something that Rob has truly come to despise) Rob had an opportunity to take the finished downloads and copy them to his own personal disk. Rob’s passive aggressive brand of rebellion has gone on for weeks. Rob was beginning to get drunk on his own power. He felt he was untouchable, and he took up the shenanigans another notch. With his own personal hard drive getting full of porn, he had to stash the new downloads somewhere until he managed to come up with enough money to buy a new hard rive with bigger memory. For all of Rob’s shortcomings, he had been very adamant against theft, so the thought of just stealing a hard drive from a computer shop that gets more than its fair share of shoplifters never occurred to him. He did not, however, have any qualms about “borrowing” items.

In the backroom of the store lay a box of hard disk drives that had been sitting there for months. Any hope that these items would be sold had long ago been destroyed. So Rob, trusted employee that he is, decided to store an adult movie or two in each of the drives, secure in the knowledge that nothing would ever happen.

As Rob was on his day off, Mr. Lance had a very novel idea to save the store form dwindling sales. The store had a very special sale wherein anyone who buys a computer gets a brand new free extra hard disk drive. Needless to say all of Rob’s secret stash had been disposed. Once Rob came back to work and discovered what happened, he nearly had a panic attack, but decided to remain silent. He thought that the people would not mind getting a free porn movie with their purchase.

He was right, or course. People did not mind the porn. What they did mind was purchasing something that was advertised as “new” only to find out that it was not the case. Rob is now unemployed and facing legal action.

Shemale Porn Set Into Music And Glam

Monday, January 18th, 2010

One of the things people are constantly talking about these days is the highly popular television show “Glee”. With their entertaining renditions of several pop songs, its not difficult to figure out why. However, people from the shemale porn community are not going to let a bunch of High School Musical rejects steal their thunder. A musical is in the works for everyone’s favorite shemale porn actors, and it promises to be as mind blowing as any other musical ever made. Perhaps even more considering the amount of talent rumored to be involved in the project.

Of course, all the songs will be altered to suit the taste of the loyal porn fans, and the producers promise that they will not sacrifice the quality of the sex scenes in favor of the elaborate musical numbers. Tentatively titled “Tits, Bangers and Mash”, the project has been receiving a lot of favorable comments within the industry. Porn critic Larry Orlane had nothing but good things to say. “What they’re doing is nothing but admirable. A musical shemale porn movie is something that this industry needs to keep with the other forms of entertainment out there that are definitely stealing away some of the attention that should rightfully be devoted to porn. And if there’s anyone who can pull this off, it’s these awesome shemales.”

The movie also promises that some of their favorite shemale related songs will be used to get the audience truly into the spirit of things. From Aerosmith’s “Dude Looks Like a Lady” to a lady-less rendition of “Lady Marmalade”, the movie hopes to be at par with several gay related musicals, like “Rent”.

The critic continues with his premature assessment. “I truly believe that this will be the best thing in porn since the award winning ‘Pirates’. It is the porn event of the year, at the very least. I definitely will be among the first to pick it up once it’s out.”

“Tits, Bangers and Mash” will be set in an imaginary world wherein people can only have orgasms if they have sex while singing out loud. Contrived as the plot may be, many people are interested to see how a shemale sex scene would look while the stars that are doing the sex scene are simultaneously singing and dancing. With the current slant towards the musical genre, “Tits, Bangers and Mash” is definitely a can’t lose revolutionary project.

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