Posts Tagged ‘porn videos’

The Story of a Man Changed by Hot Asian Porn

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

Enlightenment comes from many different things. Bernard, a bus driver in his mid-20s, knows this to be true. He claims to have found enlightenment in the most unexpected of things. Through hot Asian porn, Bernard believes he has acquired a wisdom that cannot be matched.

For Bernard, everything started out innocently. Or at least, as innocent as one seeking porn to relieve one’s self of certain urges could be. So searching through the Internet, Bernard stumbled upon a website that on the surface seemed like a garden variety porn streaming site. When he started viewing the videos however, something clicked in his mind. Bernard then started watching one Asian porn video after the other without even feeling the least bit aroused. He was a captive audience to these videos. He saw something that he had never seen before. He saw the answers to all of life’s questions.

Bernard went out the following day to rent as many Asian porn videos as he could. Ignoring the dirty looks he was getting on the street, he walked hurriedly back to his apartment to watch. He even called in sick from work. For an entire day, Bernard immersed himself in Asian porn. He claims that he had been changed forever. He immediately shaved his head and spent countless hours lost in deep meditation. He had also quit his job and after a few months of preaching on the streets, have gone into writing and teaching.

“Many people would scoff when I tell them the tale” said the reformed Bernard. “No, I am not perverting any of the existing faiths. I just found that shaving my head very therapeutic. I had to shed signs of my troubled past, and my hair was a direct symbol of that. The hair that I now have is the hair I’ve always had since discovering my new path.”

But what exactly did he learn from the sex videos of the East? “I noticed a certain level of peace, and applied it to my self. The tranquility of a diverse universe. The sadness of earthly pursuits. The isolation of greed. All that are present in most Asian porn videos, if you would look at it in a particular way.”

Bernard has had his name changed to Divine Swallow, and amassed a vast library of porn videos. These videos he uses during his preaching sessions in his nearly empty apartment.

Teen Pornstars Rock Out

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

If there’s anyone who deserves to use music as an outlet for his frustration, it’s teen pornstars. It comes to no surprise that a group of young men and women have decided to form an emo punk-inspired band known as Casting Couch.

“Right now, we’re just trying to mesh our individual styles and music influences until something comes out” said Serenity Philips, on lead vocals. Serenity is known for her amazing skills in porn videos and is making quite a reputation for herself for her deep throat abilities. Now, with Casting Couch, she gets to use that mouth of hers in an entirely different manner. “I have always loved singing, and even tried forming bands back in my younger days, but no one really took me seriously. Everyone was just trying to get me in bed. At least now, I know that it’s not a big deal, cause I’ve slept with every member of the band, both guys and girls.”

Rounding out the rest of Casting Couch is Ryan Dong, the Asian teen porn sensation on keyboards, Bernadette Blows on bass, Jiggy Von Fox on drums and BJ Smith on lead guitar. Smith is particularly excited about the concept of Casting Couch. “Serenity and I have been working on some songs that we know would be awesome. I’d say the band is a mix of The Cure with a dash of My Chemical Romance and there’s a little Rolling Stones mixed in there. I know we have a unique sound, and Serenity’s vocals can bring us over the top. I love working with these people, on and off camera.”

Their drummer naturally agrees. “We met in an orgy scene, and somehow we all sensed that there was something special with our group work.” Jiggy’s eyes started to well up. “It’s like we were destined to do this, and I believe that the fact that we all have inclinations in music and even play different instruments is far too fitting to be a coincidence. This band, Casting Couch, is written in the stars, man. There’s no stopping us now. We just need that one big hit.”

Every member of the band insists that none of them will be leaving the porn industry, whether or not the band is a success. “This is where we met, and porn is actually something we all enjoy. We’ll all still be involved in it in whatever capacity” Serenity concluded.

Adult Porn Videos for Every Occasion

Friday, December 4th, 2009

A porn company with a unique production theme is going to be launched in the middle of next year. This porn production outfit promises that they will deliver high quality porn at par with their competitors, with one characteristic. This company will be producing only holiday themed adult porn videos. This production outfit is tentatively named Hallmark Porn.

Aaron Styles, head of Hallmark Porn, discusses the very concept of the production outfit. “Porn is a yearly four billion dollar business. What does that mean to us? It means that there are lots of people out there who like porn. Chances are, the person beside you right now is an avid porn viewer. So, with that in mind, what do you think is the level of probability that a person who would receive porn as a gift who like and appreciate it? Pretty high, right? That’s what we want to do here at Hallmark Porn. We want to create not only quality adult movies that all fans of the medium would enjoy, but also something festive and ideal as gifts.”

The company is now currently in production of several films. While the company is set to officially launch in the middle of next year, they are already working diligently on a Christmas themed video for this year. “Hopefully, Mrs. Claus Goes to Town would hit the video stores and the web sites before Christmas Day itself. We are also in the production stage of Auld Lang Cock, or offering for the upcoming New Year.”

Other of their projects include Teenage Trick or Treat, a Halloween special that shows naughty teenagers in hot costumes trick or treating and having sex. Naughty Easter Egg Hunt is obviously a tribute to the great tradition with a sexy twist. Plymouth Fuck is a porn tat features a very unique re-imagining of the history of Thanksgiving. This Styles reveled is Hallmark’s most ambitious project. Shot on location and with a rather sizeable budget, Plymouth Fuck will be the company’s initial crown jewel of holiday offerings.

“Our projects will not only be about the major holidays. We are going for every holiday possible. We are going to be as non-denominational as possible. In development are Kwanzaa and Hanukkah movies, and we will also be producing ones for Asian Holidays, most likely Chinese New Year. Hallmark Porn is definitely set on making an impact in the upcoming year. I personally, am very excited.”

Man Attempts To Watch All You Porn Videos

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

In a classic case of having too much guts and too little brains, a man in Edmonton discovers that the human mind truly is fragile. After being dared by his friends to watch all the videos posted on popular porn streaming site you porn in a row, this ordinary man from Edmonton suffered serious mental damage. As most are aware, the aforementioned site is an extremely popular video streaming site that features exclusively pornographic movies. A parody of the popular mainstream site you tube, you porn boasts a library of porn containing thousands of hours of video footage.

The dare that made the man from Edmonton go through the current ordeal he’s facing was born out of a debate as to whether or not there is a limit on how much porn a person could watch. The man from Edmonton, reported to have severe issues regarding his sexuality, was standing up for the misconception that masculinity is defined by sexual appetite, and was pushing his point that a real man can watch never watch too much porn. The man, whose blatant chauvinistic and absent minded ways have rubbed every single friend he has the wrong way at some point or another, was then dared to prove his statement.

He then boldly stated that he will prove it in any way that would silence what he viewed as overly critical friends challenging his manhood. He was then dared to watch every single video on you porn, a challenge he gladly accepted. According to initial statements, the man was enjoying the dare for the best of three days, and then he started to crack. He has been reported making odd phone calls to random people, ranting and raving about the ugliness of society as a whole. He has stopped eating, informing his friends through text messaging that everything he ingested felt like he was swallowing semen. He drank less and less amounts of water and other fluids, and has totally neglected sleep.

One of his closer friends started to worry, and visited him at his home. He witnessed a site he would never forget. The man from Edmonton was naked and wrapped only in what used to be his curtains. The you porn videos were still blaring from his computer. He was writing the words “never too much porn” with his own feces on the walls of his nearly empty apartment. He was then turned over to a mental institution.

Teen Porn Videos Confiscated By Neighborhood Morality Group

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

In an effort to ”clean up” their local neighborhood, a self-appointed group of vigilantes known as the Big Determined Soldiers of Morality or the BDSM has confiscated piles upon piles of teen porn videos from the residents of a small town in Missouri. The porn videos came in the form of DVDs, VHS tapes and even entire hard drives were seized and destroyed by the BDSM.

“We will not stop until every shred of this filth has been cleansed from our pure neighborhood” said the BDSM head honcho known only as Papa Bear. Bear is the individual that put together the BDSM nearly a year ago, after he discovered his own niece was partaking in some rather immoral acts involving a porn fanatic. Bear insists that all of the youth’s “immoral” behavior was brought forth by the proliferation of pornographic materials, and has since started a very aggressive and sometimes irrational campaign to wipeout what he believes is a threat to his community’s way of life.

Discovering several individuals willing to don the mask and pursue what many believe is an insane quest. One resident vehemently disagrees with the BDSM’s primary canon and methods. “It’s this holier-than-thou bullshit that makes the world more fucked up than it should be” said a guy named Brian, who despite never having seen a single porn video in his life, hates the BDSM to a superlative degree. “If there is something that offends you, then look away. There’s nothing criminal about watching porn. You can’t expect the rest of the world to adjust to you just because you can’t accept something.”

When asked to comment on this, Papa Bear just shrugged and cursed under his breath. “What does that guy know? This is about pride and principles. About standing up for what’s right by any means necessary. If he or anyone else can’t handle that, then he and everyone else is welcome to try and stop us. We’re doing this for their own good. Fucking ingrates.”

Local authorities have strangely turned a blind eye on these moral vigilantes. Chief Inspector O’Hara argues that no crime has been committed and the matter is still not a concern. “We don’t know who they are. We don’t know anything. And so far, they haven’t broken the law. The porn materials they destroyed were voluntarily given to them by concerned citizens. Once they break the law, then we’ll nail these guys.”

Until then, these fanatics are feared to escalate their actions.

A New Site Being Developed to Connect People Watching Porn

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

It is a general conception that watching porn is a singular activity, or something one generally does alone. A new social networking site plans to shatter that conception by connecting the world’s porn fans in one porn happy community. In fact, the tentative name of the site itself is porn happy community. The developer of the site, a young man by the name of David Fleer, hopes to create a community that would make porn fans feel comfortable with their porn watching.

“There has always been a taint of shame for porn fanatics.” explains Fleer, who himself is going to be an active member of the site he’s trying to create, much like the “Tom” guy from MySpace. “IN my site, that shame will somehow be erased. This is a social networking site that allows fans to appreciate the art of porn without fear of judgments and any of the negative stuff that society has put porn under. They can post pictures of themselves, pretty much declare tot he world not just the fact that they love porn, but why, and what kind, and people would be genuinely interested.”

Fleer says the idea came to him one night while drinking with his friends and in a state of drunkenness the discussion turned to porn. Each of his friends was complaining about how being caught with porn in the street or the video store was very embarrassing, and how their boyfriends or girlfriends would find porn in the computers and it would be a big fight. Despite all those hassles, no one is going to stop watching porn, Fleer deduced, and he determined that he was going to do something about it.

One of the unique traits of the site, according to Fleer, is that it gives members the ability to upload porn videos, be it amateur or professional. “I’m still working out the kinks, especially with copyright laws and such. I don’t want to step on toes here, especially not from anyone in the porn industry.”

Fleer calls the site his contribution to the world. “I view it as some kind of legacy that I could leave behind. I know that people will go to the site not knowing and caring who it is that created it, but seeing my fellow porn brethren interacting with each other, finding a place online where they know they truly belong, is enough for me.”

Hot Porn Videos Hold More Value Than Expected

Monday, November 30th, 2009

The market is changing. With the economy on a very bad state, many people are pursuing some of their seemingly inessential passions through non-conventional means. There has been a prolific use of hot porn videos as a substitute for currency in certain circles around the world. The search for and exchange of such goods have become increasingly widespread that porn is now slowly becoming the equivalent of cigarettes in prison in terms of market use.

Regarded by many as collectibles, porn videos have developed somewhat a constant state of motion when it comes to the frequency of how it circulates and changes hands. Many use their porn collection as a means of trading with other collectors for their own porn videos, and a porn videos have been used several times to barter for other products.

Said one eager porn collector, “I’ve been using my videos to acquire other porn videos that I like, which isn’t a new thing. Recently I’ve discovered that there’s a lot of demand when it comes to porn, and I’ve managed to use it to build up my comic book and action figure collection without even having to spend any real money!”

Many consumers echo this statement, and with the production of new porn videos nearly on a daily basis, it seems like porn is one effective alternative to spending money. Many are even trying to develop a pricing guide for these videos, in order to get a standard set of determining a video’s value. “The rarer it is, it definitely will be worth more. The age of the video, the quality, and even the medium tends to affect the value. Like say, you have a copy of a sex video that everyone has been able to download, that’s pretty much worthless. But if you have it on DVD, what with the extra features and the packaging, that’s going to hike up its value. But let’s say you have a downloaded copy of a porno that no one has been able to get, then it would also be worth nearly as much as an original DVD.What fetches the most value are those that feature the sickest, most unconventional stuff, like genuine scat. Those are very hard to find”

If this trend continues, and there are no indicators showing that it will not, porn videos would become a very sound investment in the years to come. Many people are already stacking up, downloading every porn video they would think fetches a huge amount.

Are Full Length Porn Videos Really On Its Way Out?

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Porn movies have changed dramatically over the past few decades. Sure, there’s still the variety of hardcore sex that has made porn movies extremely popular. But many believe the creative direction of porn has shifted dramatically. Instead of the old full length porn videos that had one encapsulating story, a lot of porn videos these days focus on a particular performer doing different things per scene. Many loyal fans are saddened by this trend.

One porn critic had an opinion regarding the matter. “True, porn is always about the sex scenes and the adult film stars. But those porn movies that actually have a story tend to be more effective in my book. Not only do they have the usual hardcore stuff, but the effective ones have a story that keeps the viewer engaged in every scene, thereby increasing a porn video’s effectiveness.”

Many fans and critics echo this observation. This recent decline in storied porn, according to some of the producers, is product of the continually dismal state of the world’s economy. “You think only TV and film writers were on strike?” asked Marv Whitman, a small time porn producer from Cobb County. “It’s hard to shell out money for a scriptwriter who’s going to write something for porn. The people watch to see pretty people have sex. That’s it. Erotica these days are too expensive.”

Many consider erotica as an essential part of the porn process, and Whitman’s comments have been rejected by many fans. An angry comment by one fan reveals that “We’re sick and tired of watching the pizza guy get laid over and over again by some big boobed bimbo? Where’s the material? These guys aren’t even trying anymore!” Whitman has nothing but disdain for fans who disapprove of straight up hardcore action.

“I’m a fan of porn myself, mind you, a big enough fan to actually pursue a career in it. And as a fan, I don’t give a rat’s ass if the hot chick is banging the pizza guy, the pool boy, the doctor or even a freaking priest! If it’s got a hot chick having sex and doing freaky things, I am always in! These people are hypocrites, not to mention a bit pretentious, expecting riveting storylines that they wouldn’t even pay attention to.”

No matter the issue, the number of feature length porn is on the decline, and the fans are clamoring for more.

Fee Porn Influences the Feeble Minded

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

The nefarious scheme behind fee porn or pay porn has been revealed. While the majority of the world seems uninfluenced by these pornographic materials, our sources confirm that the proliferation of paid porn is actually a part of a global conspiracy to thin out the human race to its more intelligent beings.

It is believed that the previous difficulties the world has been dealing with like wars and recession and sickness have all been due to one thing, and that cause is the rapid decline of education worldwide. Simply put, the human population has been getting dumber generation after generation. Despite the amazing leaps in technology, the majority of the worldwide populace is as dumb as ever, with IQs scoring an all time low. A secret organization has been formed to combat this threat, and porn is just their latest attempt to wipe out the human race’s intellectually inferior members.

Our reliable source, who was scared to death at the prospect of his identity being revealed, disclosed that this organization has started out carrying out their mission with subliminal messages from TV. These messages were designed to convince viewers to pursue more intellectual endeavors. However, their plan failed since the apparent dumbness of popular television over the past ten years has been too overpowering that the subliminal messages simply failed to penetrate.

The overwhelming influence of pop music also drowned out any attempts of this secret organization to improve the quality of life for all listeners, and at that point the organization decided to shift gears. Instead of getting the populace to get smarter, the organization deemed that it was just a matter of getting rid of the stupid folk that would ensure the intellectual longevity of the human race.

And that is where porn comes into the picture. Apparently the organization targeted fee porn because they consider the mediums audience the most dangerous types of people on Earth: stupid people with money. Poor stupid folk were easy to dispose of while rich stupid folk usually find themselves in positions of power and affect the direction of the entire world. Our source reported that the porn videos affect the minds of those who are considered to be, by the organization’s own classification, “intellectually unfit to live”. Secret messages from these porn videos actually start deteriorating the feeble mind, and with months of regular viewing, the brain just ceases to function.

So if you’re one of those jock types who use their looks and physique to breeze through academics… beware!

Japanese Imagination Leads to Best Sex Videos

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Many people admire the Japanese as a nation and as a people due to their countless contributions to the world. From their impeccable technology to the cultural landmarks such as the samurai, the Japanese have always been regarded as consistently being at the top of the proverbial global class. But one thing that truly sets Japan head and shoulders above the global competition is the undeniable quality of their porn. Truly, Japan has the best porn videos.

Their very presence in the porn industry has been nothing but years upon years of utter impact, changing the landscape of porn forever. From school girls with the short skirts to big, hulking men with tentacle penises, Japanese porn has taken sex movies into a whole new level. Should we expect little from the country that produced a certain Akira Kurosawa?

The term “bukkake” is obviously of Japanese descent, and it is a clear reflection of how bold the Japanese truly are, slinging their sperm towards unsuspecting female pedestrians or having a willing female take gallons, it seems, of sperm over her pretty face. Hentai has become so popular that it has evolved into a major part of geek culture, with its amazing animation, imaginative sex scenes and of course, out of the box storytelling.

Japanese porn is also lauded for their uber realistic depiction of rape and gang rape. The use of petite women and the image of having said women be taken by force by a number of healthy young men is the ultimate commentary of a male dominated nation such as Japan. In fact, there are fewer Japanese porn videos that feature the female lead as the sexual aggressor than otherwise.

When it comes to weird, Japanese porn not only crosses it, but does cartwheels all over the other side of the line. From the very perverse exhibitionist train sex videos, to the rampant use of sex toys, Japanese porn shows exactly the sort of repressed sexuality an entire nation possesses. No other nation has produced porn so influential that it is copied by every other porn producing country in the world. It is hard to watch a porn video these days that goes on without the least bit of Japanese influence.

Japanese porn is the ultimate outlet for those who has ever wanted to explore the most taboo, and Japanese porn indeed is the best in the world. If the nation of Japan truly has anything to be proud of, and they do, it is their unsung hero. The medium of pornography. Thank you Japan for some of the truly best sex videos!

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