Posts Tagged ‘porn videos’

Adult Porn Videos for Every Occasion

Friday, December 4th, 2009

A porn company with a unique production theme is going to be launched in the middle of next year. This porn production outfit promises that they will deliver high quality porn at par with their competitors, with one characteristic. This company will be producing only holiday themed adult porn videos. This production outfit is tentatively named Hallmark Porn.

Aaron Styles, head of Hallmark Porn, discusses the very concept of the production outfit. “Porn is a yearly four billion dollar business. What does that mean to us? It means that there are lots of people out there who like porn. Chances are, the person beside you right now is an avid porn viewer. So, with that in mind, what do you think is the level of probability that a person who would receive porn as a gift who like and appreciate it? Pretty high, right? That’s what we want to do here at Hallmark Porn. We want to create not only quality adult movies that all fans of the medium would enjoy, but also something festive and ideal as gifts.”

The company is now currently in production of several films. While the company is set to officially launch in the middle of next year, they are already working diligently on a Christmas themed video for this year. “Hopefully, Mrs. Claus Goes to Town would hit the video stores and the web sites before Christmas Day itself. We are also in the production stage of Auld Lang Cock, or offering for the upcoming New Year.”

Other of their projects include Teenage Trick or Treat, a Halloween special that shows naughty teenagers in hot costumes trick or treating and having sex. Naughty Easter Egg Hunt is obviously a tribute to the great tradition with a sexy twist. Plymouth Fuck is a porn tat features a very unique re-imagining of the history of Thanksgiving. This Styles reveled is Hallmark’s most ambitious project. Shot on location and with a rather sizeable budget, Plymouth Fuck will be the company’s initial crown jewel of holiday offerings.

“Our projects will not only be about the major holidays. We are going for every holiday possible. We are going to be as non-denominational as possible. In development are Kwanzaa and Hanukkah movies, and we will also be producing ones for Asian Holidays, most likely Chinese New Year. Hallmark Porn is definitely set on making an impact in the upcoming year. I personally, am very excited.”

Man Attempts To Watch All You Porn Videos

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

In a classic case of having too much guts and too little brains, a man in Edmonton discovers that the human mind truly is fragile. After being dared by his friends to watch all the videos posted on popular porn streaming site you porn in a row, this ordinary man from Edmonton suffered serious mental damage. As most are aware, the aforementioned site is an extremely popular video streaming site that features exclusively pornographic movies. A parody of the popular mainstream site you tube, you porn boasts a library of porn containing thousands of hours of video footage.

The dare that made the man from Edmonton go through the current ordeal he’s facing was born out of a debate as to whether or not there is a limit on how much porn a person could watch. The man from Edmonton, reported to have severe issues regarding his sexuality, was standing up for the misconception that masculinity is defined by sexual appetite, and was pushing his point that a real man can watch never watch too much porn. The man, whose blatant chauvinistic and absent minded ways have rubbed every single friend he has the wrong way at some point or another, was then dared to prove his statement.

He then boldly stated that he will prove it in any way that would silence what he viewed as overly critical friends challenging his manhood. He was then dared to watch every single video on you porn, a challenge he gladly accepted. According to initial statements, the man was enjoying the dare for the best of three days, and then he started to crack. He has been reported making odd phone calls to random people, ranting and raving about the ugliness of society as a whole. He has stopped eating, informing his friends through text messaging that everything he ingested felt like he was swallowing semen. He drank less and less amounts of water and other fluids, and has totally neglected sleep.

One of his closer friends started to worry, and visited him at his home. He witnessed a site he would never forget. The man from Edmonton was naked and wrapped only in what used to be his curtains. The you porn videos were still blaring from his computer. He was writing the words “never too much porn” with his own feces on the walls of his nearly empty apartment. He was then turned over to a mental institution.

Teen Porn Videos Confiscated By Neighborhood Morality Group

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

In an effort to ”clean up” their local neighborhood, a self-appointed group of vigilantes known as the Big Determined Soldiers of Morality or the BDSM has confiscated piles upon piles of teen porn videos from the residents of a small town in Missouri. The porn videos came in the form of DVDs, VHS tapes and even entire hard drives were seized and destroyed by the BDSM.

“We will not stop until every shred of this filth has been cleansed from our pure neighborhood” said the BDSM head honcho known only as Papa Bear. Bear is the individual that put together the BDSM nearly a year ago, after he discovered his own niece was partaking in some rather immoral acts involving a porn fanatic. Bear insists that all of the youth’s “immoral” behavior was brought forth by the proliferation of pornographic materials, and has since started a very aggressive and sometimes irrational campaign to wipeout what he believes is a threat to his community’s way of life.

Discovering several individuals willing to don the mask and pursue what many believe is an insane quest. One resident vehemently disagrees with the BDSM’s primary canon and methods. “It’s this holier-than-thou bullshit that makes the world more fucked up than it should be” said a guy named Brian, who despite never having seen a single porn video in his life, hates the BDSM to a superlative degree. “If there is something that offends you, then look away. There’s nothing criminal about watching porn. You can’t expect the rest of the world to adjust to you just because you can’t accept something.”

When asked to comment on this, Papa Bear just shrugged and cursed under his breath. “What does that guy know? This is about pride and principles. About standing up for what’s right by any means necessary. If he or anyone else can’t handle that, then he and everyone else is welcome to try and stop us. We’re doing this for their own good. Fucking ingrates.”

Local authorities have strangely turned a blind eye on these moral vigilantes. Chief Inspector O’Hara argues that no crime has been committed and the matter is still not a concern. “We don’t know who they are. We don’t know anything. And so far, they haven’t broken the law. The porn materials they destroyed were voluntarily given to them by concerned citizens. Once they break the law, then we’ll nail these guys.”

Until then, these fanatics are feared to escalate their actions.

A New Site Being Developed to Connect People Watching Porn

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

It is a general conception that watching porn is a singular activity, or something one generally does alone. A new social networking site plans to shatter that conception by connecting the world’s porn fans in one porn happy community. In fact, the tentative name of the site itself is porn happy community. The developer of the site, a young man by the name of David Fleer, hopes to create a community that would make porn fans feel comfortable with their porn watching.

“There has always been a taint of shame for porn fanatics.” explains Fleer, who himself is going to be an active member of the site he’s trying to create, much like the “Tom” guy from MySpace. “IN my site, that shame will somehow be erased. This is a social networking site that allows fans to appreciate the art of porn without fear of judgments and any of the negative stuff that society has put porn under. They can post pictures of themselves, pretty much declare tot he world not just the fact that they love porn, but why, and what kind, and people would be genuinely interested.”

Fleer says the idea came to him one night while drinking with his friends and in a state of drunkenness the discussion turned to porn. Each of his friends was complaining about how being caught with porn in the street or the video store was very embarrassing, and how their boyfriends or girlfriends would find porn in the computers and it would be a big fight. Despite all those hassles, no one is going to stop watching porn, Fleer deduced, and he determined that he was going to do something about it.

One of the unique traits of the site, according to Fleer, is that it gives members the ability to upload porn videos, be it amateur or professional. “I’m still working out the kinks, especially with copyright laws and such. I don’t want to step on toes here, especially not from anyone in the porn industry.”

Fleer calls the site his contribution to the world. “I view it as some kind of legacy that I could leave behind. I know that people will go to the site not knowing and caring who it is that created it, but seeing my fellow porn brethren interacting with each other, finding a place online where they know they truly belong, is enough for me.”

Hot Porn Videos Hold More Value Than Expected

Monday, November 30th, 2009

The market is changing. With the economy on a very bad state, many people are pursuing some of their seemingly inessential passions through non-conventional means. There has been a prolific use of hot porn videos as a substitute for currency in certain circles around the world. The search for and exchange of such goods have become increasingly widespread that porn is now slowly becoming the equivalent of cigarettes in prison in terms of market use.

Regarded by many as collectibles, porn videos have developed somewhat a constant state of motion when it comes to the frequency of how it circulates and changes hands. Many use their porn collection as a means of trading with other collectors for their own porn videos, and a porn videos have been used several times to barter for other products.

Said one eager porn collector, “I’ve been using my videos to acquire other porn videos that I like, which isn’t a new thing. Recently I’ve discovered that there’s a lot of demand when it comes to porn, and I’ve managed to use it to build up my comic book and action figure collection without even having to spend any real money!”

Many consumers echo this statement, and with the production of new porn videos nearly on a daily basis, it seems like porn is one effective alternative to spending money. Many are even trying to develop a pricing guide for these videos, in order to get a standard set of determining a video’s value. “The rarer it is, it definitely will be worth more. The age of the video, the quality, and even the medium tends to affect the value. Like say, you have a copy of a sex video that everyone has been able to download, that’s pretty much worthless. But if you have it on DVD, what with the extra features and the packaging, that’s going to hike up its value. But let’s say you have a downloaded copy of a porno that no one has been able to get, then it would also be worth nearly as much as an original DVD.What fetches the most value are those that feature the sickest, most unconventional stuff, like genuine scat. Those are very hard to find”

If this trend continues, and there are no indicators showing that it will not, porn videos would become a very sound investment in the years to come. Many people are already stacking up, downloading every porn video they would think fetches a huge amount.

Are Full Length Porn Videos Really On Its Way Out?

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Porn movies have changed dramatically over the past few decades. Sure, there’s still the variety of hardcore sex that has made porn movies extremely popular. But many believe the creative direction of porn has shifted dramatically. Instead of the old full length porn videos that had one encapsulating story, a lot of porn videos these days focus on a particular performer doing different things per scene. Many loyal fans are saddened by this trend.

One porn critic had an opinion regarding the matter. “True, porn is always about the sex scenes and the adult film stars. But those porn movies that actually have a story tend to be more effective in my book. Not only do they have the usual hardcore stuff, but the effective ones have a story that keeps the viewer engaged in every scene, thereby increasing a porn video’s effectiveness.”

Many fans and critics echo this observation. This recent decline in storied porn, according to some of the producers, is product of the continually dismal state of the world’s economy. “You think only TV and film writers were on strike?” asked Marv Whitman, a small time porn producer from Cobb County. “It’s hard to shell out money for a scriptwriter who’s going to write something for porn. The people watch to see pretty people have sex. That’s it. Erotica these days are too expensive.”

Many consider erotica as an essential part of the porn process, and Whitman’s comments have been rejected by many fans. An angry comment by one fan reveals that “We’re sick and tired of watching the pizza guy get laid over and over again by some big boobed bimbo? Where’s the material? These guys aren’t even trying anymore!” Whitman has nothing but disdain for fans who disapprove of straight up hardcore action.

“I’m a fan of porn myself, mind you, a big enough fan to actually pursue a career in it. And as a fan, I don’t give a rat’s ass if the hot chick is banging the pizza guy, the pool boy, the doctor or even a freaking priest! If it’s got a hot chick having sex and doing freaky things, I am always in! These people are hypocrites, not to mention a bit pretentious, expecting riveting storylines that they wouldn’t even pay attention to.”

No matter the issue, the number of feature length porn is on the decline, and the fans are clamoring for more.

Fee Porn Influences the Feeble Minded

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

The nefarious scheme behind fee porn or pay porn has been revealed. While the majority of the world seems uninfluenced by these pornographic materials, our sources confirm that the proliferation of paid porn is actually a part of a global conspiracy to thin out the human race to its more intelligent beings.

It is believed that the previous difficulties the world has been dealing with like wars and recession and sickness have all been due to one thing, and that cause is the rapid decline of education worldwide. Simply put, the human population has been getting dumber generation after generation. Despite the amazing leaps in technology, the majority of the worldwide populace is as dumb as ever, with IQs scoring an all time low. A secret organization has been formed to combat this threat, and porn is just their latest attempt to wipe out the human race’s intellectually inferior members.

Our reliable source, who was scared to death at the prospect of his identity being revealed, disclosed that this organization has started out carrying out their mission with subliminal messages from TV. These messages were designed to convince viewers to pursue more intellectual endeavors. However, their plan failed since the apparent dumbness of popular television over the past ten years has been too overpowering that the subliminal messages simply failed to penetrate.

The overwhelming influence of pop music also drowned out any attempts of this secret organization to improve the quality of life for all listeners, and at that point the organization decided to shift gears. Instead of getting the populace to get smarter, the organization deemed that it was just a matter of getting rid of the stupid folk that would ensure the intellectual longevity of the human race.

And that is where porn comes into the picture. Apparently the organization targeted fee porn because they consider the mediums audience the most dangerous types of people on Earth: stupid people with money. Poor stupid folk were easy to dispose of while rich stupid folk usually find themselves in positions of power and affect the direction of the entire world. Our source reported that the porn videos affect the minds of those who are considered to be, by the organization’s own classification, “intellectually unfit to live”. Secret messages from these porn videos actually start deteriorating the feeble mind, and with months of regular viewing, the brain just ceases to function.

So if you’re one of those jock types who use their looks and physique to breeze through academics… beware!

Japanese Imagination Leads to Best Sex Videos

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Many people admire the Japanese as a nation and as a people due to their countless contributions to the world. From their impeccable technology to the cultural landmarks such as the samurai, the Japanese have always been regarded as consistently being at the top of the proverbial global class. But one thing that truly sets Japan head and shoulders above the global competition is the undeniable quality of their porn. Truly, Japan has the best porn videos.

Their very presence in the porn industry has been nothing but years upon years of utter impact, changing the landscape of porn forever. From school girls with the short skirts to big, hulking men with tentacle penises, Japanese porn has taken sex movies into a whole new level. Should we expect little from the country that produced a certain Akira Kurosawa?

The term “bukkake” is obviously of Japanese descent, and it is a clear reflection of how bold the Japanese truly are, slinging their sperm towards unsuspecting female pedestrians or having a willing female take gallons, it seems, of sperm over her pretty face. Hentai has become so popular that it has evolved into a major part of geek culture, with its amazing animation, imaginative sex scenes and of course, out of the box storytelling.

Japanese porn is also lauded for their uber realistic depiction of rape and gang rape. The use of petite women and the image of having said women be taken by force by a number of healthy young men is the ultimate commentary of a male dominated nation such as Japan. In fact, there are fewer Japanese porn videos that feature the female lead as the sexual aggressor than otherwise.

When it comes to weird, Japanese porn not only crosses it, but does cartwheels all over the other side of the line. From the very perverse exhibitionist train sex videos, to the rampant use of sex toys, Japanese porn shows exactly the sort of repressed sexuality an entire nation possesses. No other nation has produced porn so influential that it is copied by every other porn producing country in the world. It is hard to watch a porn video these days that goes on without the least bit of Japanese influence.

Japanese porn is the ultimate outlet for those who has ever wanted to explore the most taboo, and Japanese porn indeed is the best in the world. If the nation of Japan truly has anything to be proud of, and they do, it is their unsung hero. The medium of pornography. Thank you Japan for some of the truly best sex videos!

Download Porn Videos For Charity

Monday, November 16th, 2009

Times are so hard that people have stopped giving to the less fortunate. A Cleveland-based charitable institution has found a way to solve that. Understanding the fact that people these days need at least some incentive before trying to reach into their pockets, the Cleveland Cares Foundation have decided to entice potential donors and volunteers with the ability to freely download porn videos.

Coordinating with a top porn website, a donation of a certain amount or rendering a specific amount of volunteer hours gives one access to the exclusive content provided for the CCF. While this is not the only incentive available to interested parties, t has become quickly the most popular and effective one. The founder of CCF, Ken Thurmgood, is very pleased. “The adult film industry is one thin that I’m grateful for. To tell you the truth, I never really expected to get more assistance from the porn industry than I do from the government. Shows all of us not to judge a person by the number of times their anatomy had been invaded by a foreign object.”

Things are also looking up for the volunteers who had been to CCF for a long time. “To be completely frank,” said Irma, a middle aged volunteer for CCF. “I was at first wary of their help. After all, what would the community say? Well, Mr. Thurmgood’s gut instincts tell him that it’s a right course of action.”

This decision by Thurmgood and his band of do-gooders have not been wet met with has seen more than its fair share of opposition. The CCF still remains undaunted n their cause. “Just because they do adult movies doesn’t mean that they can’t be contributing members of society.” Thumgood beams as he says these words. “And like I’ve said, they’ve done more for Cleveland’s less fortunate than most so-called morally superior individuals.”

The CCF has made it a point to shun all the righteous detractors from their cause, focusing only a results-based program t help the people of Cleveland Thurmgood and the rest of his people also hope that their actions inspire other non-government charitable institutions to take bolder steps to achieve their goals. “The world is becoming more and more competitive, and it’s hard for guys like us who just want to help out. If people would rather spend their money on porn, then basically that’s what we’re offering. With an extra dose of charity, of course.”

The Search Is On For The Best Porn Video Ever.

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

As human beings, it is only natural for is to speculate on what is the best in every field, industry or line. The porn industry is no different, and now several online fans are raising the age old question. What is indeed the best porn video ever? If Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest American film of all time, and Watchmen is considered to be the finest graphic novel in the history of comic books, then it’s time to determine which porn video truly is the crown jewel in the world of adult films.

The world’s leading experts on porn are now being assembled and they would be studying countless hours of porn videos. Their representative, Thurman Sparks, who holds the title for watching the most porn videos in one day, recently revealed this campaign in a press conference. ”It’s high time to give that one video the honor of being the greatest of all time. It’s time to recognize the Muhammad Ali of fuck videos.”

When asked about what criteria is to be used to judge the validity of a porn video, Sparks took several moments to truly get down to it. “For me, personally, one measurement of the greatness of any porn video is its timelessness. It can be very old, but no matter how many times you watch it, it still inspires you to do things to yourself that many people believe would lead to blindness. But that’s just me.”

With the determination of the greatest porn video of all time, comes the formation of the official porn quality council, which Sparks will be a part of. Sparks screams about being a proud member. Despite Sparks’ enthusiasm, the entire list of council members remains confidential. It has been reported, and Sparks confirms this, that the list reads like a who’s who of people in the porn industry, from award winning directors to screen legends, as well as people like Sparks, who are hardcore fans of hardcore movies.

The council’s first act would be to declare the best porn video ever by the end of this year. “It is truly time for a golden age in pornography. I dare say that a porn revolution is at hand. It’s all coming together. The crowning of the video that is worthy. The formation of the brotherhood. It is but a matter of time before our pornographic hordes overrun the entire world!”

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