Posts Tagged ‘porn video’

Online Porn Movies To Get Revamped In the New Year.

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

With so many available distractions on the Web, producers of online porn movies are trying to come up with ways to compete. There have been plans to reinvigorate the online porn industry, and at the forefront is the making of interactive porn movies. These would allow viewers to truly feel part of the action. To make this possible, a brand new software is being launched that would give the viewer total control of all the porn action they wish to participate in.

This software is strictly top secret for the time being, but the developers promise that it will not only change the way porn is watched, but also the way porn is viewed. Ivan Jericho, one of the leading developers in Zeotrope X Interactive, offers some inside information. “This works by capturing the performers in various angles, allowing the viewer to freely navigate the entire area to get whichever view they want to see. It would be the same thing like those instant replays from sports video games. Know you could edit out angles and roam freely while your player shoots a basket or something? We’re trying to incorporate that into the porn videos.”

If done successfully, no longer will masturbating porn viewers have to worry about cumming during inopportune times. Many people suffer from unsatisfactory self indulgence over porn because several times, they will climax just when the shot shows a close up of a guy’s grimacing countenance. With this technology, that fear will no longer exist, and immediately the programmers hope that this would increase the popularity of porn movies once more.

Another feature the software would enable is the combination of several niches into one video. This is beyond mere video editing. The developers are calling this the “god mode”, and will give viewers the opportunity to literally dictate and control every aspect of the porn movie. “Let’s say you like one scene from a particular porn star and another scene from a different movie but you wish she would do it with a co-star from yet another different movie. The god mode allows you to combine those things to fully customize a porn video to your own tastes.”

The software is still in development, but initial surveys indicate that the entire porn watching world is holding its breath for the software’s much anticipated release. There is no doubt that if done successfully, the software would change online porn movies forever.

Adult Sex Videos Turns Teen To Success

Monday, December 28th, 2009

When high school senior Andy discovers that his college fund was lost during the recession, he decided to raise the money on his own. However, he knew that working in some lame summer job would not be able to support his academic needs. So he decided to make the ultimate sacrifice. He decided to sell his adult porn videos.

Andy had amassed an amazing collection of porn movies that was the envy of everyone in their sleepy little town of Shermer, Wisconsin. In fact, adult and teen males alike refer to him as “the porn guy”. A title which Andy was proud to be bestowed upon. However, with his lifelong dream of becoming a Physics major put in jeopardy by the global economic crisis, he had to improvise.

It was in a rented storage space that Andy set up shop. It took him three trips using his dad’s Impala to get all of his porn videos and his computer there. He hyped up the event as a one night only sale of all his entire porn collection. The news spread like wildfire. Set to begin at midnight, Andy was surprised to see a long line of people who had camped out patiently waiting to get first dibs. Andy opened up his makeshift store, and the people all rushed in. It was absolute madness. All night, Andy was accepting payments, making recommendations, even pitching lesser videos and making deals.

He was respected enough that no one even tried to steal from him despite the opportunities the chaos had brought. From midnight to sunrise, Andy had managed to sell every piece of his cherished collection. He set there, greeted the sunrise with coffee in hand. He counted the money that he earned. It was then that he had an epiphany. As the sunlight swept through the town of Shermer, Andy realized this true calling.

The following day, Andy had cancelled his application to the state’s top Science University and had decided to use the money to open up his own business. Andy now has his sights set on opening up his very own adult video store. “The Porn Guy’s Treasure Chest of Smutty Goodness” will be opening its first branch in March of next year.

Sometimes life makes unexpected detours into desperation before one discovers his path. Andy can not be any happier now.

Hidden Mickeys in Top Porn Sites?

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Back in the Nineties, the beloved Disney animated movie The Lion King was the subject of much controversy. There is a scene in the movie where Simba, the lead character, slumped down on a patch of flowers in disappointment after a harsh conversation with his father’s ghost. This caused the petals to float in the air. For a split second, the petals formed the word “sex”. To make matters worse, it was a child who noticed this. The scandalous situation had cost Disney a lot of money and the entire industry of animation now have been under close scrutiny. Now, more than a decade later, Disney is striking back through the world’s top porn sites.

In many of the online porn videos, the existence of “hidden Mickeys” has been discovered. To those who are not aware, “hidden Mickeys” are the Mickey Mouse logos that Disney usually litters its TV shows and movies with. They challenge the fans to find these cleverly hidden marketing tools. Now subtly visible in porn, these “hidden Mickeys” threaten to do more than just amuse people. It could potentially ruin the entire porn industry.

In an ironic twist, it was a balding, middle aged man by the name of Bob Samson noticed Disney’s subtle revenge scheme. What makes it ironic is that Samson is the distant cousin of the kid who saw the word “sex” in the Lion King, Samson finds Disney’s “hidden Mickey” attack on porn to be very distasteful. “Who the hell wants to think about Mickey Mouse when watching porn? If you ask me, that sort of thing is nothing short of evil, man.”

No one from Walt Disney offered to comment on the situation, but the general consensus among those within the porn industry is that Disney has crossed the line. Adult film star Balls E. Normous thinks that this could be a danger to his livelihood. “It’s all subliminal advertising, yo. Like indoctrination. The more people watch those ‘Mickeyed’ up videos, pretty soon they’ll be watching cartoons instead of my movies!”

If what Normous believes to be true, are there steps being taken to avoid a decline in the number of porn viewers? Normous remains peeved and troubled about the possibility.. “If this fucks up my business, I’m personally heading down to Disneyworld and give each and everyone of them a different kind og ‘hidden Mickey’”.

Man Gone Crazy Over Porn Categories

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

Harry Borelane considers himself a very organized man. After working several years in a small cubicle doing paperwork no one has ever dreamed of doing, Borlain has developed a knack for organization. He is vilified though, and at times lauded, for the level of effort he puts out just so things are always in order. Even the interior of his house is arranged in a way that everything is in its proper place. Borelane’s organized world, however, was rocked to its very foundation the moment he was assigned to do porn categories.

One of the lines of business of the company that Borelane works for sells porn DVD. With a bunch of holiday orders coming in, the supervisor assigned Borelane to put in overtime for the weekend to categorize every video per niche, and alphabetically. He was also requested to do a cross reference regarding titles and stars among other things. The work was tedious, unfulfilling, and extremely boring. In other words, it was the sort of thing that Harry Borelane is born to do. Borelane, unmarried and essentially friendless, was happy to have something to do over the weekend for a change.

Borelane’s obsessive compulsive tendencies were challenged when he discovered the number of categories the porn genre actually had. It was something that he had never dreamed of in his entire life. He never was a big fan of the porn medium, and Borelane has to take a moment to fully take in what exactly it was he had signed up for.

Saturday morning, he started. Alone in the office, Borlane was free to use the entire office space to his advantage. He paced when needed. He even laid out elaborate charts and graphs and lists on all the bulletin boards. He tried listening to pretentious trance music he had picked up a few months prior in a failed attempt to get with a raver chick that he had met during one of his lonely long lunches. Borelane was determined to finish the job, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

And it turned out, it was indeed the last thing he did. Borlane’s body was discovered Monday morning with a lengthy suicide note neatly typed up and placed on his supervisor’s desk. He had failed to categorize the porn videos in a thorough manner, and he had felt that he was a failure at the one thing he knew well. He had slashed his wrists and covered his wounds in plastic. Harry Borlane neatly bled to death in his tiny cubicle.

A Nefarious Scheme Uncovered Through Japanese Porn Videos

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Sometimes evil is just hiding in plain sight. Sometimes the hiding place of evil is something as globally exposed as Japanese porn videos. Through the diligent efforts of freelance private investor Jack Charles Baker, we all have a chance to stop a plan to dominate the entire world through porn.

“What makes us watch those Japanese porn movies a lot, huh?” asked Baker with a suspicious look in his eye. “It’s those moans they make. Those Japanese girls have sex all noisy and shit, that it just couldn’t have been a mere coincidence. So I did some checking right? I watched as many Japanese porn movies I could, and listened to those moans. I interpreted them using Morse code, cause that’s how it all sounds, right? Short moans and long moans in random succession, I figured that it all had to mean something. And you will not believe what I found out!”

Baker reports that out of the many Japanese porn movies he’s studied, only one message consistently shows up among the gibberish. He decoded the phrases formed through Morse code, and Baker truly believes that the words that regularly come out are “WE WILL RULE. YOU SHALL FALL. SO SAYS ROBOTO”. Baker has taken it upon himself to find out who Roboto really is and figure out a way to stop him.

“Right now, all I have going for me are the porn videos. But, the sources of the movies I studied are varied, so it’s going to take some time to figure this problem out. I don’t know if this Roboto character is a person or a group, or even if he or she is even human, but Roboto scares me!”

Baker pleads for assistance in his mission to stop Roboto and possibly save the world. “A project like this, it’s going to take some cash, and cash is one thing I don’t have right now. Unfortunately, there has been a shortage in clients for Baker Investigations, the private dick agency I run. I think it’s a blessing in disguise though, cause I wouldn’t have stumbled upon this plot if I had my hands full with the usual cases!”

Those who wish to donate or lend financial assistance to Mr. Baker’s concern may send personal checks to Baker Investigations, PO Box 648, San Diego, California. “Please make out the check to Jackson Charles Baker. Remember, no amount is too small in the fight for Earth’s survival!”

Adult Video Sites Assemble!

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Call them the team of the century. Call them the best collaboration since Michael Jackson jammed with Paul McCartney. Call them whatever you want, as long as you keep your eyes and eyes open for the products these three are about to produce! The three best creators of adult video sites have decided to pool their remarkable talents to give the best porn video site the world has yet to see.

Jeremy Jones, the mastermind behind several of the most visited all around porn video site has tied his fortunes in with two of the best in the business. Jones will be the front man on this ambitious project leading Roy Lee and Benedict Raymund. Lee is the top web site designer for many porn sites, while Raymund is a software genius whose work has greatly contributed to the video on demand concept. These three are putting together what they claim to be “the be all and end all of all porn sites”. It is Joes that gathered these three of them together, and he happily informs people that he got the idea from comic books.

“What are the two top comic book companies in the world today?” asked Jones. “Marvel and DC, right? And in those two top companies, which comics showcase their best superheroes? That’s the Avengers for Marvel and the Justice League in DC. You know what I noticed? In both groups, they have what geeks like me call the Big Three. For the Avengers it’s Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man. For the League, it’s Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. What do they have in common? Nothing!” Jones punctuated the statement with a two minute long maniacal laugh.

Once he has calmed down, Jones was able to explain is take on it. His interpretation was that if you would take three people of completely different specialties and personalities it would make for an effective team dynamic. This is especially if the three people coming together are considered to be the best at what they do. Jones, Lee and Raymund say that they have a very big surprise for all fans of porn in the coming year.

“We’re very big fans of porn” says Jones. “So we know what the real fans out there want. So we are going to work hard to give them the ultimate porn site. The best part of course, is that we’re doing it for free!”

The Story of a Man Changed by Hot Asian Porn

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

Enlightenment comes from many different things. Bernard, a bus driver in his mid-20s, knows this to be true. He claims to have found enlightenment in the most unexpected of things. Through hot Asian porn, Bernard believes he has acquired a wisdom that cannot be matched.

For Bernard, everything started out innocently. Or at least, as innocent as one seeking porn to relieve one’s self of certain urges could be. So searching through the Internet, Bernard stumbled upon a website that on the surface seemed like a garden variety porn streaming site. When he started viewing the videos however, something clicked in his mind. Bernard then started watching one Asian porn video after the other without even feeling the least bit aroused. He was a captive audience to these videos. He saw something that he had never seen before. He saw the answers to all of life’s questions.

Bernard went out the following day to rent as many Asian porn videos as he could. Ignoring the dirty looks he was getting on the street, he walked hurriedly back to his apartment to watch. He even called in sick from work. For an entire day, Bernard immersed himself in Asian porn. He claims that he had been changed forever. He immediately shaved his head and spent countless hours lost in deep meditation. He had also quit his job and after a few months of preaching on the streets, have gone into writing and teaching.

“Many people would scoff when I tell them the tale” said the reformed Bernard. “No, I am not perverting any of the existing faiths. I just found that shaving my head very therapeutic. I had to shed signs of my troubled past, and my hair was a direct symbol of that. The hair that I now have is the hair I’ve always had since discovering my new path.”

But what exactly did he learn from the sex videos of the East? “I noticed a certain level of peace, and applied it to my self. The tranquility of a diverse universe. The sadness of earthly pursuits. The isolation of greed. All that are present in most Asian porn videos, if you would look at it in a particular way.”

Bernard has had his name changed to Divine Swallow, and amassed a vast library of porn videos. These videos he uses during his preaching sessions in his nearly empty apartment.

Teen Girl Makes Online Porn Videos To Jumpstart Her Career

Friday, December 11th, 2009

Elaine was an odd girl. Growing up in Tulsa, she was out of place in such a quiet, conservative city. She dressed in the manner of glamorous movie stars that adorn the red carpet on a regular basis. As a high school senior, Elaine was just trying to be hip to the contemporary trends. That was, until, she discovered online porn videos.

Elaine, for all the flashy clothes and accessories that embrace her body, is not merely imitating the fashion goddesses most girls like her worship. She actually believed herself to be one of them. No, Elaine had no questions about her identity. She knew for a fact that she was Elaine, high school senior in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She was surrounded by boys who will grow up to be overweight beer guzzling football fans with dead end jobs and end up with girls who’d be married them feeling quite miserable. This was her future. But she thought of herself as different. She was slated for better things, she says. Many would describe her condition as having delusions of grandeur.

This girl, who lived, breathed, and acted like a false celebrity, saw online videos of sex tapes as a way out. She saw these videos and saw an opportunity. She looked at these porn videos as a shot at true superstardom. She can garner enough attention that important might take notice and make her a star! She was willing to take a shot.

It started out with sexy pictures on Myspace. She then moved to other social networking sites, uploading pictures that are a notch racier then before. She started showing nude pictures of herself. She often checked them out online just to admire her own body. Once she graduated over to making sex tapes, her delusions worsened. After making a hastily done sex video with some boy in flannel and a mullet, Elaine officially saw herself as a legitimate star. She had been giving copies of her own porn tape to people, no matter if they asked or not.

Today, Elaine continues to do porn videos and actually dropped out of school. So she could invest more time in them. Her parents have tried professional help for their daughter, but none worked. She resisted the notion that she was getting out of hand! Hopefully, Elaine’s destructive path of delusion does not destroy her.

Teen Pornstars Rock Out

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

If there’s anyone who deserves to use music as an outlet for his frustration, it’s teen pornstars. It comes to no surprise that a group of young men and women have decided to form an emo punk-inspired band known as Casting Couch.

“Right now, we’re just trying to mesh our individual styles and music influences until something comes out” said Serenity Philips, on lead vocals. Serenity is known for her amazing skills in porn videos and is making quite a reputation for herself for her deep throat abilities. Now, with Casting Couch, she gets to use that mouth of hers in an entirely different manner. “I have always loved singing, and even tried forming bands back in my younger days, but no one really took me seriously. Everyone was just trying to get me in bed. At least now, I know that it’s not a big deal, cause I’ve slept with every member of the band, both guys and girls.”

Rounding out the rest of Casting Couch is Ryan Dong, the Asian teen porn sensation on keyboards, Bernadette Blows on bass, Jiggy Von Fox on drums and BJ Smith on lead guitar. Smith is particularly excited about the concept of Casting Couch. “Serenity and I have been working on some songs that we know would be awesome. I’d say the band is a mix of The Cure with a dash of My Chemical Romance and there’s a little Rolling Stones mixed in there. I know we have a unique sound, and Serenity’s vocals can bring us over the top. I love working with these people, on and off camera.”

Their drummer naturally agrees. “We met in an orgy scene, and somehow we all sensed that there was something special with our group work.” Jiggy’s eyes started to well up. “It’s like we were destined to do this, and I believe that the fact that we all have inclinations in music and even play different instruments is far too fitting to be a coincidence. This band, Casting Couch, is written in the stars, man. There’s no stopping us now. We just need that one big hit.”

Every member of the band insists that none of them will be leaving the porn industry, whether or not the band is a success. “This is where we met, and porn is actually something we all enjoy. We’ll all still be involved in it in whatever capacity” Serenity concluded.

There Can Be Only One Porn Search Champion

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

A porn search is not as easy as people think. It requires a certain amount of skill, patience, and perhaps even a complete mastery of search engines and other Internet tools and resources available online. Many people have determined that it’s high time to recognize gifted individuals with utmost dedication to be a master porn searcher. In any field it is important to determine who really rules the roost, and in 2010, the first ever annual porn search championship is to going to be held.

The event is organized by the Global Porn Specialist Group, or the GPSG. It is a one day tournament open to all Internet porn search fanatics from all over the world. This grueling tournament will pit these gifted individuals against each other, armed with only a normal computer with a fast Internet connection and their own special skills. These guys will be tasked to search of the rarest, most obscure porn ever placed online, many of which were planted and buried by the GPSG themselves.

Many in the GPSG are excited over this upcoming event. According to one of their representatives, this is comparable to a sacred quest for many porn fans. “Finding a good porn movie is like locating the Holy Grail. You can’t just go on a search engine and just type away. Sometimes you just have to dig deeper. And based from what we’ve seen, there are a lot of good diggers out there.”

The tourney is said to be subdivided into different categories. There’s the search for streaming porn video, wherein the contestants are given a limited to find a specific porn video in streaming sites. Then there’s the porn download category, where the contestants not only have to search for download links but have to be the first to finish downloading a good copy of the video. And then, there’s the lightning round which is the accumulation of specific porn photos under five minutes. It all ends with the final round, an all out search for a secret German BDSM porn made specifically for the event, and uploaded on that very day and hidden under several layers of other sites and pop ups.

“It’s very competitive, we are making sure of that. The prize of course would be worth it.”

Close

Stop!

girls
free xxx free content

Get 10 minutes FREE just for giving us a try ...