The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

In a small suburban community, two warring bloodlines have found an unlikely truce after decades of dissent. The ceasefire occurred thanks in no small part to teen porn videos.

The Dibnys and the Allens have been at it since the mid-seventies. Apparently, the heads of both families have known each other since high school, and started out as the best of friends. They were all dating the person that they were destined to marry, and they were all happy about it. The four of them visualized their futures together. They thought they would grow old the way the Flintstones and the Rubbles did, living side by side and becoming family.

Their respective competitive natures, however, did not make that possible. When the men from both camps both decided to run for student body president, it was deemed to be a friendly competition. It did not take long for both camps to take a simple student election too seriously. From spreading rumors and even deep secrets from behind the backs of their campaign adversaries, to basic mudslinging and even blatant sabotaging the other camp’s campaign, the two couples turned the election dirtier than real politics. Both candidates were eventually disqualified for their acts.

In college, all four of them attended the local university. The friendship was long over, and there was nothing more that could possibly fix it. Both couples got married shortly after graduating, and in an amusing twist of events ended up living right next to each other. Neither couple invited the other to their wedding nor took any active step to mend any of the wounds they have inflicted upon each other for many years.

Both couples have been blessed with sons, and they raised each son to despise the other family. For many years it was ugly, to the point that early morning shouting matches had become routine. Each clan fought over the most mundane of things.

One day, their sons, Barry and Ralph, ran into each other in a local video store. They made an effort to ignore each other, but when they both ended up in the same aisle. They couldn’t avoid it. It turns out the two were there to get porn movies, and once this intimate secret has been shared, they got to talking, and discovered that both had a lot in common. They got along pretty well, and became the best of friends.

Their friendship remained a secret, until their parents found out about their porn watching ways. Now, their parents get together once a week to scold both young men, and it has become a family tradition.

For many Americans, watching hot Asian porn and other porn from different exotic countries provide a taste of something different. Over the years though, interest for such an endeavor to taste the unknown has waned due to many Americans being desensitized by it all. With every single person in the world seemingly attainable, the lost sense of mystique has become a harbinger that these porn movies are about to come to a very abrupt extinction.

Thankfully, those with a thirst for watching two or more individuals having sexual relations with others of a different culture and race now have a seemingly limitless alternative. It’s called alien porn, and it seems to be quite the rage these days. Where else can one find true diversity if not the sheer vastness of the universe? While there have been many porn videos in the past several decades, there is a recent boom in interest when it comes to alien porn, and there is only one man who deserves credit for it. That man is none other than Mr. Avatar himself, James Cameron.

Cameron’s recent foray into celluloid, Avatar, has once again rocked box office records despite nay sayers claiming that it is nothing more than a blue skinned Pocahontas rip off. To the more educated film viewers, Avatar was generally looked upon as nothing but eye candy. And with the movie being nearly three hours long, these critics compare one viewing of Avatar indeed was the equivalent of having too much candy. Its sweet at first and you’ll regret it later.

For porn fans, however, Avatar is something way more. The casual porn fans, the ones who have become jaded with the repetitiveness of most porn genres, saw something that they did not expect would happen in a James Cameron movie. They got aroused. When the two aliens got naked and had wild sex in the field as the freaky alien surroundings swayed and all that, they got aroused. And now it seems Avatar has become the salvation of the porn movie, as people have now raced to find more alien porn in the Internet.

There is finally a solution to the exotic drought, and producers of alien porn are not taking this boom lightly. Many videos featuring the weirdest of alien races imaginable have been popping up in videos, happily gratifying a lonely human or two.

Try and watch some alien porn. You are guaranteed to cum in peace.

Life is complicated. With the numerous schools of thought designed to make life simpler than it actually is, one philosophy embraces the fulfillment of one’s basic needs to achieve that goal. One can actually follow the lessons of pay per minute porn and apply it to one’s way of life. Indeed, it is an unorthodox medium from which to derive any form of improvement, but this does make sense. For a man who wishes to lead a simple life, one must choose to do things in the simplest way possible.

This pay per minute programs work by using the best form of minimalism available. A person who wishes to indulge in the joys of pornographic materials no longer needs to spend more than what he or she is actually using. The cost of enjoyment is only equal to the actual amount of enjoyment patronized.

By the same token, life can be lived in such a manner. By focusing on the needs more than the wants, and maintaining a sense of contentment through the achievement of one’s basic goals, the quality of one’s life would be greatly improved. It is existentialist in principle. If essence comes after existence, and one would not devote one’s self to a misleading sense of purpose, the chance of disappointment or dissonance is greatly decreased.

To expect nothing more of life than what is initially agreed upon, or determined by the person in control of his own life, one will always achieve what is expected. There is a correlation between what one hopes to happen and what one considers to be inevitable. A mere lessening of the hope factor and further analysis of the inevitable would yield only satisfactory results. If one chooses to eliminate extremes and over abundance, one is able to live within the sphere of one’s own control.

Of course, opposing opinions would point out the diminishing of the human potential. When a person abandons any ambition to achieve the unthinkable progress of not only the individual but society in general would be hindered. Alas, that is where valuing comes to play. Determine what is truly important, and focus on maintaining the achievement of merely the vital parts of one’s existence. Like porn that you pay for by the minute, there would be a great reduction of the unnecessary, in essence giving the doer a clear cut sense of direction and purpose.

Robert and Doris happens to be a unique couple, so it did not come as no surprise to their friends of their unorthodox circumstances to their engagement. It was all thanks to an adult video on demand. Their story is as sweet as it is rather disturbing.

Robert and Doris have been living together for two years. They have always been very much in love with one another. However, there was one thing that always got Doris’ goat. Doris always hated the fact that Robert was constantly watching porn movies online. Every single time that Doris would turn her back, Robert would be on the computer digging up the sickest, vilest porn he could find. He never made an effort to hide it too. To his credit, Robert felt there was nothing to be ashamed about in liking porn.

Doris then tried to shame her man by talking about what she refers to as “his filthy habit” in front of their friends. This did not deter the porn loving Robert. In fact, he mistakenly took it as a sign of acceptance. One day, Doris decided to take a more aggressive action against Robert’s hobby. Every time she would catch Robert in the act, she would watch alongside him, doing off color annotations of the things he was watching. She would make jokes about the videos, even teasing him to pleasure himself. All the time Doris was hoping that her comments and jokes would discourage Robert from his constant porn patronage.

Robert, however, had a surprise for her that she would never, ever forget. Unbeknownst to his lady love, Robert had made phone calls and sent emails to the developers of his favorite porn sites. He had made arrangements for them to create a very special video for her. When he received a favorable reply, Robert set his master plan into motion.

On one Saturday evening, Doris came home to find Robert once again watching online porn videos. True to form, she sat down beside him, making her usual sarcastic comments. The video featured a man and a woman having sex, and Robert did not make a sound all through out the video. Once the performers were done with coitus, both looked at the camera and held up a sign that said “If you agree to marry me, Doris, I’ll keep the porn to a minimum”. Doris turned to see Robert with a ring in hand.

They are now happily married and enjoying porn together.

With so many available distractions on the Web, producers of online porn movies are trying to come up with ways to compete. There have been plans to reinvigorate the online porn industry, and at the forefront is the making of interactive porn movies. These would allow viewers to truly feel part of the action. To make this possible, a brand new software is being launched that would give the viewer total control of all the porn action they wish to participate in.

This software is strictly top secret for the time being, but the developers promise that it will not only change the way porn is watched, but also the way porn is viewed. Ivan Jericho, one of the leading developers in Zeotrope X Interactive, offers some inside information. “This works by capturing the performers in various angles, allowing the viewer to freely navigate the entire area to get whichever view they want to see. It would be the same thing like those instant replays from sports video games. Know you could edit out angles and roam freely while your player shoots a basket or something? We’re trying to incorporate that into the porn videos.”

If done successfully, no longer will masturbating porn viewers have to worry about cumming during inopportune times. Many people suffer from unsatisfactory self indulgence over porn because several times, they will climax just when the shot shows a close up of a guy’s grimacing countenance. With this technology, that fear will no longer exist, and immediately the programmers hope that this would increase the popularity of porn movies once more.

Another feature the software would enable is the combination of several niches into one video. This is beyond mere video editing. The developers are calling this the “god mode”, and will give viewers the opportunity to literally dictate and control every aspect of the porn movie. “Let’s say you like one scene from a particular porn star and another scene from a different movie but you wish she would do it with a co-star from yet another different movie. The god mode allows you to combine those things to fully customize a porn video to your own tastes.”

The software is still in development, but initial surveys indicate that the entire porn watching world is holding its breath for the software’s much anticipated release. There is no doubt that if done successfully, the software would change online porn movies forever.

When high school senior Andy discovers that his college fund was lost during the recession, he decided to raise the money on his own. However, he knew that working in some lame summer job would not be able to support his academic needs. So he decided to make the ultimate sacrifice. He decided to sell his adult porn videos.

Andy had amassed an amazing collection of porn movies that was the envy of everyone in their sleepy little town of Shermer, Wisconsin. In fact, adult and teen males alike refer to him as “the porn guy”. A title which Andy was proud to be bestowed upon. However, with his lifelong dream of becoming a Physics major put in jeopardy by the global economic crisis, he had to improvise.

It was in a rented storage space that Andy set up shop. It took him three trips using his dad’s Impala to get all of his porn videos and his computer there. He hyped up the event as a one night only sale of all his entire porn collection. The news spread like wildfire. Set to begin at midnight, Andy was surprised to see a long line of people who had camped out patiently waiting to get first dibs. Andy opened up his makeshift store, and the people all rushed in. It was absolute madness. All night, Andy was accepting payments, making recommendations, even pitching lesser videos and making deals.

He was respected enough that no one even tried to steal from him despite the opportunities the chaos had brought. From midnight to sunrise, Andy had managed to sell every piece of his cherished collection. He set there, greeted the sunrise with coffee in hand. He counted the money that he earned. It was then that he had an epiphany. As the sunlight swept through the town of Shermer, Andy realized this true calling.

The following day, Andy had cancelled his application to the state’s top Science University and had decided to use the money to open up his own business. Andy now has his sights set on opening up his very own adult video store. “The Porn Guy’s Treasure Chest of Smutty Goodness” will be opening its first branch in March of next year.

Sometimes life makes unexpected detours into desperation before one discovers his path. Andy can not be any happier now.

Sometimes evil is just hiding in plain sight. Sometimes the hiding place of evil is something as globally exposed as Japanese porn videos. Through the diligent efforts of freelance private investor Jack Charles Baker, we all have a chance to stop a plan to dominate the entire world through porn.

“What makes us watch those Japanese porn movies a lot, huh?” asked Baker with a suspicious look in his eye. “It’s those moans they make. Those Japanese girls have sex all noisy and shit, that it just couldn’t have been a mere coincidence. So I did some checking right? I watched as many Japanese porn movies I could, and listened to those moans. I interpreted them using Morse code, cause that’s how it all sounds, right? Short moans and long moans in random succession, I figured that it all had to mean something. And you will not believe what I found out!”

Baker reports that out of the many Japanese porn movies he’s studied, only one message consistently shows up among the gibberish. He decoded the phrases formed through Morse code, and Baker truly believes that the words that regularly come out are “WE WILL RULE. YOU SHALL FALL. SO SAYS ROBOTO”. Baker has taken it upon himself to find out who Roboto really is and figure out a way to stop him.

“Right now, all I have going for me are the porn videos. But, the sources of the movies I studied are varied, so it’s going to take some time to figure this problem out. I don’t know if this Roboto character is a person or a group, or even if he or she is even human, but Roboto scares me!”

Baker pleads for assistance in his mission to stop Roboto and possibly save the world. “A project like this, it’s going to take some cash, and cash is one thing I don’t have right now. Unfortunately, there has been a shortage in clients for Baker Investigations, the private dick agency I run. I think it’s a blessing in disguise though, cause I wouldn’t have stumbled upon this plot if I had my hands full with the usual cases!”

Those who wish to donate or lend financial assistance to Mr. Baker’s concern may send personal checks to Baker Investigations, PO Box 648, San Diego, California. “Please make out the check to Jackson Charles Baker. Remember, no amount is too small in the fight for Earth’s survival!”