The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

Hot porn videos have always attracted a different breed of audience. Being a medium that caters to the utterly bizarre, it is not surprising that the industry is in a constant state of evolution. Some people call it degeneracy. But for many porn fans, it’s only a simple process of widening one’s horizons. Many believe that while porn niches tend to be unique to the point that it only has a particular group of fans, it is still difficult not to appreciate such a level of diversity.

However, when it comes to pushing the envelope, amateur porn film maker Raymond Garcia may have finally crossed over and discovered the next step in this sensual evolution. Raymond is a little known porn director from the South who had just inherited a sizeable fortune from his deceased parents who had amassed their wealth from their humble convenience store. When asked what he would do with the money, Garcia replied rather dryly “I’m putting up my own porn production company.”

Initially mistaken by his friends to be drowning in grief and denial, it did not take long for Garcia to display the sincerity of his intentions. A mere month later and The Warrior Poet Porn Company was established, with Garcia plunking down his entire inheritance in hopes that the initial project would make the outfit successful. Many were even more skeptical when his first movie came out with virtually no human sex scenes shown.

The film is entitled “Bumping Uglies”, and it features a bunch of computer generated monsters having sex while rampaging in a populated city. Garcia, who has always been enamored by insects and other creatures mating, believes that the film could very well be the legacy that he leaves. Written and directed by Garcia himself, “Bumping Uglies” is intended to be the ultimate symbolism for the chaos that the modern man has to face.

“I have always felt a kinship with monsters” Garcia revealed. “The movie starts off in a frenzy, as a giant spider terrorizing Omaha is thwarted by a dragon, and the two creatures suddenly start copulating. The sheer absurdness of it all causes all of the monsters in the world, buried deep within the Earth’s core, to rise up and join in. It’s a drama.”

“Bumping Uglies” should finish production once Garcia decides to stop pleasuring himself in the editing bay.

The market is changing. With the economy on a very bad state, many people are pursuing some of their seemingly inessential passions through non-conventional means. There has been a prolific use of hot porn videos as a substitute for currency in certain circles around the world. The search for and exchange of such goods have become increasingly widespread that porn is now slowly becoming the equivalent of cigarettes in prison in terms of market use.

Regarded by many as collectibles, porn videos have developed somewhat a constant state of motion when it comes to the frequency of how it circulates and changes hands. Many use their porn collection as a means of trading with other collectors for their own porn videos, and a porn videos have been used several times to barter for other products.

Said one eager porn collector, “I’ve been using my videos to acquire other porn videos that I like, which isn’t a new thing. Recently I’ve discovered that there’s a lot of demand when it comes to porn, and I’ve managed to use it to build up my comic book and action figure collection without even having to spend any real money!”

Many consumers echo this statement, and with the production of new porn videos nearly on a daily basis, it seems like porn is one effective alternative to spending money. Many are even trying to develop a pricing guide for these videos, in order to get a standard set of determining a video’s value. “The rarer it is, it definitely will be worth more. The age of the video, the quality, and even the medium tends to affect the value. Like say, you have a copy of a sex video that everyone has been able to download, that’s pretty much worthless. But if you have it on DVD, what with the extra features and the packaging, that’s going to hike up its value. But let’s say you have a downloaded copy of a porno that no one has been able to get, then it would also be worth nearly as much as an original DVD.What fetches the most value are those that feature the sickest, most unconventional stuff, like genuine scat. Those are very hard to find”

If this trend continues, and there are no indicators showing that it will not, porn videos would become a very sound investment in the years to come. Many people are already stacking up, downloading every porn video they would think fetches a huge amount.

After the grisly events of last weekend, Howard now believes that hot porn videos are very hazardous to his health. Currently, Howard lies in a hospital bed, with a cast around his pelvis, wondering if his life would ever be the same again.

It started out as a normal Saturday morning for the 25 year old Michigan resident. He woke up, had coffee and read the paper. It was about as perfect as perfect as could be. Everything was going alright until his phone rang. It was his friend, inviting him to a party for that night, promising Howard that he’ll be introduced to a very comely female. With several hours to prepare, it dawned on the rather lonely guy that the possibility of him getting laid that night was rather high. This thought made Howard nervous. He felt totally unprepared in the likelihood of any sexual activities that would take place.

Howard decided to use the day preparing for what seemed to him was inevitable. After fixing himself a hearty breakfast, Harold went online to peruse videos of the adult nature, hoping to catch a few tips. It was a day of learning for Harold. He viewed hours of footage and he studied every second of it. Living alone, he turned the volume of his speakers up. He wanted to be totally immersed in what he was watching.

The noise the videos were generating apparently was bothering his neighbor, who thought Howard was engaged in a rather loud session of love making. Incensed, the neighbor decided to give Howard a scare, pounding on his door. Naturally, Howard was not able to hear the knocks, which made the neighbor more irate.

Howard’s neighbor was a former police officer who had an affinity for collecting guns. His neighbor took a shotgun and decided to really make sure Howard’s racket ceased. Another forceful series of knocking went ignored, and the neighbor kicked the door to Howard’s small apartment in.

The surprised Howard turned and saw his neighbor with the shotgun, and the following incidents seemed to be too fast to process. Howard was taken over by either embarrassment of being caught watching videos or the angry armed man in his front door, and the only decision left to Howard it seemed was to jump out the window of his apartment, The fall from the second story broke Howard’ pelvis. His neighbor called for an ambulance, embarrassed for his outburst.

Once a thriving industry with oodles of opportunities for small time players, the sports entertainment industry popularly known as professional wrestling has somewhat dwindled due to the World Wrestling Entertainment Inc.’s near monopolization of the business in 2001.

By buying out their top competitor, the WWE has become a monster promotion that many wrestling enthusiasts believe to be the death knell of the industry in the long run. With several small promotions and territories folding up due to their inability to keep up with the WWE, many promoters are now turning to what they consider to be the best alternative which is hot porn videos.

“Wrestling still thrives is Japan and Europe, but here in the States small promotions don’t really stand a chance.” That was the grim statement from long time independent wrestler Buck Norris. Norris has been in almost every small time wrestling promotion in the country, but the spotlight of the big time has eluded him.

“If you really get down to it, porn and wrestling are two very similar fields. It’s entertainment, to very different forms of it, but the discipline required to pull it off and the main thrust, so to speak, are quite the same.”

Norris then explains why any average skilled pro wrestler can do well in a porn movie. He claimed that factors like physical conditioning, ring psychology, work rate, selling (the ability of making a fake move, even fake punches, look painful), and all the other criteria for ring excellence would translate easily in the porn arena.

Several wrestling promoters have started to experiment producing their own porn videos. “The production quality that small promotions can whip up is at most at par with porn video” said retired wrestler and co-promoter of the backyard wrestling promotion IICW (Incredibly Insane Championship Wrestling), Floyd “Dr. Decapitation” Williams.

“With half of the resources we use to put up a single show, we could produce two or three porn videos of decent quality. We have performers who are willing to lay their body on the line for us. At least now, they wouldn’t be facing the same dangers as they do in the ring. Also, the many wrestling fans are also avid porn viewers, so there’s a lock in the audience. Remember that wrestling fans are extremely loyal. The sex tape between Chynna and X-pac, gross as it is, wouldn’t even have seen the light of day if they weren’t wrestling personalities.”

Maybe the sport entertainment industry’s loss would ultimately be the porn industry’s gain.