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The Buzzkills is an up and coming British band who made a splash in a rather unorthodox amateur adult video. What the band’s manager, a guy named Ron, would like to clarify to anyone who would listen is that the band’s participation was not sexual in nature. At least, not in the traditionally sexual way that many people have made the mistake of assuming. The band’s participation was actually done out of a touching request from a loving husband.

It was reported that there was a couple who loved music so much and enjoyed The Buzzkills’ brand of punk rock chaos. The Buzzkills, based from a sleepy town in England, are regular performers in a local pub wherein the couple would enjoy a few pints before retreating to their home and making love. Its been a habit for this couple to make videos of themselves while having sex, and it has been a practice that they’ve never tired been tired of. The husband, with their anniversary fast approaching, decided to do something particularly special and different for his beloved. Thus was The Buzzkills hardly memorable debut in the world of poorly shot sex tapes.

The band played an average rendition of Billy idol’s Right Round” as the couple work on each other like two animals that were starved for days. The original plan was that the band would play all throughout the love making session. The band, however, only managed to performed a few lines before the whole fiasco was over. The couple still remained satisfied, while the band did not know how what to make of the whole experience. There manage, Ron, was used to even odder requests in his career as a small time talent agent that not even this particular ventured shocked him.

“A gig is a gig” declared the short balding man of a manager. “Not oly did I make my boys earn a semi-decent paycheck but it also provided them with much deserved publicity. Especially now that the video has somehow been leaked all over the Internet. Of course, they never got to sing their own material, and they didn’t even get to finish the song they were singing, but still. Air time is air time, right? Maybe we could even make this their gimmick, you know? Thee band that plays wile you have sex. Now that’s a real buzzkill.”

Currently, the band is reportedly contemplating looking for new representation.

My name is Earnest, and I have a weird relationship with my porn. Let me start off by establishing that I am not a pervert. I enjoy porn in what I believe to be the adequate amount people should be enjoying porn. But, my porn collection has taken a life of its own, and my perception of that box of DVDs in the closet has changed forever.

I just turned thirty last week. While other people my age have mostly either celebrated or mourned their thirtieth day of birth with important loved ones, I went another direction. I broke convention, opting to stay in my apartment, alone, with nothing but the sounds of the city to accompany me. The perils of dating, falling in love with, and getting dumped by a porn star I guess.

She was an aspiring actress trying to make it big, and I was a guy that was too stupid to get out of the way. I met her during one of my early attempts at amateur adult film making. The moment she walked into my “studio”, which just happens to be my empty apartment, I knew there was something special about her. She was different from the other girls who just wanted to score some blow money. She was one of those girls who you knew for a fact was destined to shine brighter than the rest of us. She had a little Hepburn in her, and even while I was shooting her doing a lesbian sex scene with some crack whore I couldn’t even remember, her image never diminished in my mind.

We lived together for five years. Those were the good years. Of course, I still kept making her movies. But I never let another man touch her. I wanted to contain her in my world, and tried my best to replicate a glamorous life that she so richly deserved. But my meager efforts failed to provide her that.

So I sit now, debating internally as to whether or not I should watch that box full of porn or just throw it all away. The day she walked out on me for greener pastures I wanted to burn all those videos of her, but I couldn’t bring myself to. It remains my only connection to her. I keep freezing to the shot of her staring deep into my camera, with her Hepburn like eyes, speaking to me more than her mouth ever did.