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He’s known worldwide for bringing a world of cheer to children everywhere, with his songs of love and education. This six foot tall marketing tool might be conquering the world of adult films with a series of full length porn videos for the benefit of those who have for the longest time aspired to see a purple dinosaur getting it on.

While no one has confirmed reports on the details of the project, there has been word going around that a major adult film production company is planning to make an epic saga trilogy a la Star Wars and it is rumored to star the icon. While it can be easily dismissed as a joke to throw off the press, the porn industry has not been any shy about displaying its propensity for coming out with the weirdest scenarios and parodies. From cult favorites to timeless cinema classics, no pop culture icon is safe from being turned into sleazy but fun material for the imaginative people of the porn industry. Why would characters from children’s shows be spared?

The aforementioned purple dinosaur, while still not named to be the subject of the rumored project, has been the butt of many jokes in other forms of media, for its overly saccharine quality that somehow children could not detect. The marketing machine pushing this trademarked monster has raked in millions of dollars despite, for many adults, not having a shred of intellectual or entertainment value whatsoever. A little girl who goes exploring or a street full of friendly puppets, even adults think all that is funny and precious. A purple dinosaur with an annoying voice and even more annoying presence? It’s only a wonder that the porn industry had not poked fun at such an obvious a target earlier.

The scale of the project though, and with its more unusual than usual premise, is what’s driving the rumors. Based form initial reactions, this is a project that audiences want to see come to fruition, if nothing else, for the novelty of witnessing how such a feat would be executed. Many are also curious about the backlash of such a project. With the potential of kids (and some less than liberal parents) would accidentally view this under the false assumption of it being the real deal, the ramifications of such a project would be priceless. The media set into a frenzy by a mere porn video would be considered by many as one hell of a publicity stunt.

Since the 1930s, Superman has been the foundation wherein the entire superhero medium has been built. Created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster, Superman has been the most recognizable superhero of all time, and one of the most accepted archetypes of good in contemporary culture. However, there is buzz that the creation of Superman may have been the cause of hot porn movies.

Granted, the standards for hot porn during the time of Superman’s literary inception may have been tame by standards, but there are a lot of parallelisms to the aforementioned character and the adult film craft that are still very apparent up to this day.

Having escaped a dying world, a super powered baby from Krypton crash landed in a small farm town to be raised by the noble Jonathan and Martha Kent, who instilled in the child a sense of virtue that would make him grow up to be the World’s greatest superhero. The image of a “superman” speaks extreme virility. His demeanor as the timid Clark Kent is an obvious symbolism for a flaccid penis, and during important times, he toughens up and becomes Superman, possessing strength and near invulnerability. That sounds very much like a boner.

Notice how Clark strips off his outer clothing when he springs into action? It is reminiscent of a man getting naked so he could perform acts of superhuman feats. In the universally accepted canon, Superman’s first encounter with his love interest, the plucky reporter named Lois Lane, takes place when Lois falls off a helicopter only to be caught by the muscular flying man who whisks her off to a safe, private spot. It’s very similar to the premise of numerous porn movies.

Superman’s arch nemesis is the prematurely bald Lex Luthor, a man without powers, but compensates with his superior intellect and vast financial resources. It’s a perfect symbolism for an impotent man covering up his shortcomings. And what happens to Superman whenever Luthor flashes his only weakness, the glowing green meteorite known as Kryptonite? He doubles over, like a shriveled up dong.

Popular images of Superman depict him breaking out of chains using his sheer strength, the way penises usually bulge out of underwear. He does so usually when Lois Lane is in a state of “peril”. When Lois is in need, Superman is always ready for action. Hell, the original comic book he appeared in is entitled “Action Comics”.

So, to summarize, Superman is a dick.