Posts Tagged ‘adult film’

Former Adult Film Star Claims There Are Better Things Than Porn and Sex

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

Despite making a decent living out of porn and sex, retired porn actor Drew Morrison believes that both things are not as good as most people think. With a handful of lesser known porn credits under his name, Morrison states that he knows what he’s talking about.

“I know that there are a lot of people who’s going to come after me for saying that, but believe it or not, I have always thought of it that way.” What Morrison is alluding to is when he was forcibly removed from the porn industry due to failure to “perform”. The former star has been known to have moments when he would not be able to “rise up and fulfill his duty”. Morrison’s medical reports show that there is nothing wrong with him, confirming that the dysfunction came from psychological factors. He retired at the young age of 26.

“I just couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it the way others do” revealed the young man. “Maybe I’m just wired differently compared to other guys. I believe there are more satisfying things in the world than fucking.” When asked about Morrison’s list of other activities that are better than sex, his eyes lit up. “A perfect, warm dinner. That’s something that’s hard to top. A cup of hot chocolate during a cold night. Watching a really good movie. I could actually go all day just telling you about things that I think are better than porn or sex.”

Morrison is currently in a serious relationship with the local librarian who he met shortly ater Morrison retired from porn. He had spent a lot of time reading after retiring, and Morrison claims that the librarian helped him a lot in choosing the books that helped him the most. The librarian, who refused to give her identity, reveals that Morrison still does enjoy engaging in sexual activities. “It’s because I like being intimate with the woman I love” Morrison responds.

“I’m not just fulfilling some selfish physical need, I’m bonding with the soul of my mate. It’s different.” While a lot of Morrison’s friends poke fun at his newfound ascension in terms of wisdom, he doesn’t mind. ”I hear a lot of the guys joking about how I’ve been watching too many Molly Ringwald movies and shit like that. But I know deep down, they want to be this free.”

Big Budget Adult Sex Videos About To be Launched

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

Glenn Jacobs is a believer in the power of money. Jacobs firmly believes that the more money you have,
the more you can accomplish. Jacobs, by far, is not a materialistic person. He just wants to stay on the practical side of things. So when Jacobs sees the dismal state of the majority of adult sex videos out in the market today, he decided to do something about it.

Jacobs is a retired businessman who has secretly funded many Hollywood blockbusters. He decided to work his magic on a porn project that he promises would take the porn industry to a whole new level. “The porn movies I see today fail at even getting me aroused because of the really bad quality. True, when you have a hot woman working in front of the camera, it captures your attention. But I’m the type of guy who needs more. I envision myself as a perfectionist, and I recognize my own limitations. I know for a fact that even with the money, I will not be able to score a woman the hotness level of an adult film star. That’s the reason why when I watch an adult video, I want it to be larger than life. I want it to truly display my deepest fantasies.”

Jacobs will be pursuing a producer position for this project. “I want a porn movie that has all the elements of a major Hollywood production; the same level of quality and production value; but with really hot sex scenes. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Pursuing this project has now consumed all of Jacobs’ time. He has been constantly on the phone trying to get people on board the project, and wants nothing less than the top names in the film industry working on it. “I’m still waiting for call backs from certain people. I’m just getting frustrated that many of these so-called artists refuse to share my vision. I can match the offers that Spielberg is getting, but there are just way too many pretentious pricks out there. In fact, I’ve had many interested parties already, some of the biggest names in the business, but I wont allow them to use a pseudonym. I’d like to believe I’m also paying for the name.”

Jacobs vows to not stop until he produces what he describes as the biggest porn project in the history of man.

Teen Pornstar Releases Autobiographical Paperback

Saturday, November 28th, 2009

There is a flip side to everything and the world of pornography is no different. As a craft that is already by mere definition a scandalous one, there is a small voice amongst the porn brethren that is screaming to be heard. A book will be released written by a teen pornstar clears the smoke that separates her world from the rest of reality.

Using a pseudonym Anita, the young woman recounts her short but storied life in paperback. According to an interview, she hopes to shed light on the life on the fast lane. While there have been many that have attempted to expose the hidden side of porn, Anita only claims to want to educate the readers on how it is to be a young star of adult films. She reveals series of events that had led to her downfall. Anita exclaims that her story is not a tragic one, but a true tale of survival from a world that we have all created.

In her book, Anita discusses how a normal, healthy girl like her would wind up in a sleazy studio somewhere in LA. She recalls how many times she lay spread eagled on a bed while being touched by a strange man in ways that only a lover should be allowed to. She explains what sort of conditions would push a normal girl into a world where her very humanity gets stripped piece by piece with each passing second. Anita promises that her life is a true reflection of today’s society. She even illustrates how better off she once was before she set foot into the world of porn. She celebrates the irony she had encased herself in.

Anita aims to reveal the other side of the porn industry, and promises readers that the other side is not exactly what they imagine. Tentatively entitled Anita’s Anal Adventure and Other Dumb Sounding Shit, Anita is more than fully prepared to break barriers with her autobiography. She believes that there is a deep lesson one could learn from the pleasant surprises offered in the upcoming book. Anita wants to make everyone realize that outside of porn, life is all the more sleazier.

Are Full Length Porn Videos Really On Its Way Out?

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Porn movies have changed dramatically over the past few decades. Sure, there’s still the variety of hardcore sex that has made porn movies extremely popular. But many believe the creative direction of porn has shifted dramatically. Instead of the old full length porn videos that had one encapsulating story, a lot of porn videos these days focus on a particular performer doing different things per scene. Many loyal fans are saddened by this trend.

One porn critic had an opinion regarding the matter. “True, porn is always about the sex scenes and the adult film stars. But those porn movies that actually have a story tend to be more effective in my book. Not only do they have the usual hardcore stuff, but the effective ones have a story that keeps the viewer engaged in every scene, thereby increasing a porn video’s effectiveness.”

Many fans and critics echo this observation. This recent decline in storied porn, according to some of the producers, is product of the continually dismal state of the world’s economy. “You think only TV and film writers were on strike?” asked Marv Whitman, a small time porn producer from Cobb County. “It’s hard to shell out money for a scriptwriter who’s going to write something for porn. The people watch to see pretty people have sex. That’s it. Erotica these days are too expensive.”

Many consider erotica as an essential part of the porn process, and Whitman’s comments have been rejected by many fans. An angry comment by one fan reveals that “We’re sick and tired of watching the pizza guy get laid over and over again by some big boobed bimbo? Where’s the material? These guys aren’t even trying anymore!” Whitman has nothing but disdain for fans who disapprove of straight up hardcore action.

“I’m a fan of porn myself, mind you, a big enough fan to actually pursue a career in it. And as a fan, I don’t give a rat’s ass if the hot chick is banging the pizza guy, the pool boy, the doctor or even a freaking priest! If it’s got a hot chick having sex and doing freaky things, I am always in! These people are hypocrites, not to mention a bit pretentious, expecting riveting storylines that they wouldn’t even pay attention to.”

No matter the issue, the number of feature length porn is on the decline, and the fans are clamoring for more.

Download Porn Videos For Charity

Monday, November 16th, 2009

Times are so hard that people have stopped giving to the less fortunate. A Cleveland-based charitable institution has found a way to solve that. Understanding the fact that people these days need at least some incentive before trying to reach into their pockets, the Cleveland Cares Foundation have decided to entice potential donors and volunteers with the ability to freely download porn videos.

Coordinating with a top porn website, a donation of a certain amount or rendering a specific amount of volunteer hours gives one access to the exclusive content provided for the CCF. While this is not the only incentive available to interested parties, t has become quickly the most popular and effective one. The founder of CCF, Ken Thurmgood, is very pleased. “The adult film industry is one thin that I’m grateful for. To tell you the truth, I never really expected to get more assistance from the porn industry than I do from the government. Shows all of us not to judge a person by the number of times their anatomy had been invaded by a foreign object.”

Things are also looking up for the volunteers who had been to CCF for a long time. “To be completely frank,” said Irma, a middle aged volunteer for CCF. “I was at first wary of their help. After all, what would the community say? Well, Mr. Thurmgood’s gut instincts tell him that it’s a right course of action.”

This decision by Thurmgood and his band of do-gooders have not been wet met with has seen more than its fair share of opposition. The CCF still remains undaunted n their cause. “Just because they do adult movies doesn’t mean that they can’t be contributing members of society.” Thumgood beams as he says these words. “And like I’ve said, they’ve done more for Cleveland’s less fortunate than most so-called morally superior individuals.”

The CCF has made it a point to shun all the righteous detractors from their cause, focusing only a results-based program t help the people of Cleveland Thurmgood and the rest of his people also hope that their actions inspire other non-government charitable institutions to take bolder steps to achieve their goals. “The world is becoming more and more competitive, and it’s hard for guys like us who just want to help out. If people would rather spend their money on porn, then basically that’s what we’re offering. With an extra dose of charity, of course.”

The Search Is On For The Best Porn Video Ever.

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

As human beings, it is only natural for is to speculate on what is the best in every field, industry or line. The porn industry is no different, and now several online fans are raising the age old question. What is indeed the best porn video ever? If Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest American film of all time, and Watchmen is considered to be the finest graphic novel in the history of comic books, then it’s time to determine which porn video truly is the crown jewel in the world of adult films.

The world’s leading experts on porn are now being assembled and they would be studying countless hours of porn videos. Their representative, Thurman Sparks, who holds the title for watching the most porn videos in one day, recently revealed this campaign in a press conference. ”It’s high time to give that one video the honor of being the greatest of all time. It’s time to recognize the Muhammad Ali of fuck videos.”

When asked about what criteria is to be used to judge the validity of a porn video, Sparks took several moments to truly get down to it. “For me, personally, one measurement of the greatness of any porn video is its timelessness. It can be very old, but no matter how many times you watch it, it still inspires you to do things to yourself that many people believe would lead to blindness. But that’s just me.”

With the determination of the greatest porn video of all time, comes the formation of the official porn quality council, which Sparks will be a part of. Sparks screams about being a proud member. Despite Sparks’ enthusiasm, the entire list of council members remains confidential. It has been reported, and Sparks confirms this, that the list reads like a who’s who of people in the porn industry, from award winning directors to screen legends, as well as people like Sparks, who are hardcore fans of hardcore movies.

The council’s first act would be to declare the best porn video ever by the end of this year. “It is truly time for a golden age in pornography. I dare say that a porn revolution is at hand. It’s all coming together. The crowning of the video that is worthy. The formation of the brotherhood. It is but a matter of time before our pornographic hordes overrun the entire world!”

Found Vintage Adult Videos Up for Grabs!

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

A few months ago, a wealthy resident from Beverly Hills made some rather unwise investments around the time the stock market crashed. The result of which was a repossession of all his earthly belongings. The resident, who will remain anonymous for propriety’s sake, was unable to reclaim his property as his last ditch attempt to score big with other investments failed. Because of this, everything he owned is now currently up for auction.

Now, this tale is a fairly common one especially during such a sad time in global economy. What makes this story interesting is the resident himself, who along with his other stuff, lost a very valuable collection.

It turns out the man is somewhat of a connoisseur of adult videos. His collection of classic and hard to find cult favorite porn titles is so vast that the bank is holding a very special auction for these movies. These films come in a variety of formats, from 16 and 8 mm reels to betamax, VHS tapes, and several laser disc copies.

The selection includes classics like the first release of Debbie Does Dallas and other classic porn, as well as first appearances of famous porn stars like Tera Patrick, Peter North, Jesse Jane, Tracy Lords, Ron Jeremy and many other legends in the industry.

The collection also spans the globe as well as genres. He has the best porn from every country and every niche ever made. This treasure chest of smut features everything from hardcore, softcore, all the way to gay porn and bondage.

The true gems of this impressive collection are the 8 mm and 16 mm tape reels that feature truly vintage adult films that were made in the 60s and earlier. When asked to comment about his collection, the resident seemed forlorn about losing a library that he had worked so hard to assemble. “People would call me a pervert just because I collect these” he said. “I just find it very amusing, and worth collecting. I’ve often been fascinated by porn, and I think of porn as a reflection of society, or the society it was forged from.”

“Watch the really old ones, you’d see girls parading around in their granny panties. Watch the Japanese porn tapes I have, and see how different their porn is compared to their Western counterparts. Porn is not just for perverse purpose.”

It is reported that a portion of the proceeds from the auction will go to the Foundation Against Sex Addicts.

Obscure Adult Movie Performer Likens Himself To X-Men’s Colossus

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

A proud member of the adult movie community, porn star Edwin Jackhammer wants to be a member of another band of societal outcasts: The X-Men.

Jackhammer is an up and coming male performer for adult films. The 19 year old stud grew up in Long Island, where he dreamed to one day conquer the world of adult films. Not very many of people know this, not even Jackhammer’s closest friends, but Jackhammer’s dream is actually inspired by a popular comic book character named Piotr Rasputin, recognized by millions as the X-man Colossus.

Colossus is a mutant, and in the realm of comic books, mutants are those who were born with special abilities. Because of this, they are generally considered to be freaks and are even viewed as a collective threat to mankind. Colossus is a Russian who can turn himself nto a being of pure steel. With his nearly invulnerable hide and extraordinary strength, Colossus was recruited by Professor Charles Xavier to aid him in his quest to achieve peace between mutants and humans. Jackhammer says that it’s this back story that he relates to.

“I rarely talk about it with my friends back home” says Jackhammer, who now resides in Los Angeles. “Whenever I compare what being a porn star truly is to what it must be like being a Russian mutant, my friends would just joke about comparing my penis to that of Colossus. But that wasn’t what I actually meant.”

A teary eyed jackhammer then details that mutants and porn stars are very much alike. Both were born with the same abilities or attributes that not many “normal” people have, and while both their exploits are closely followed, the general populace also views them as different from everyone else. “I relate more with Colossus, because most people who don’t follow the comics don’t realize that he’s actually a quiet, peace loving artist under that huge, hard exterior. He’s a painter, born in a time and place that’s torn by war. When I tell people what I do now for a living, they mostly forget that I am just another regular guy, with other interests and dimensions, and sometimes that makes me sad.”

Like Colossus, Edwin Jackhammer is another tortured soul that is the victim of society’s tendency to categorize individuals by appearance or title. It pains Jackhammer more that he’ll be playing a parody of his favorite hero in the upcoming XXX-men: The Penis Stands.

Hot Asian Porn Videos Dominate Screens!

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Porn has become such a massive phenomenon that it has branched into several sub-categories, with each genre of the field garnering its own cult following. “Different strokes for different folks” is the basic pretext when it comes to porn. With a recent survey conducted on people who view porn movies online, it’s hot Asian porn that leads the race with a whopping 63% viewership among the respondents. This popularity of the niche can be attributed to the rise of popular Asian pornstars, like Evelyn Lin, Maria Ozawa and many other Asian or Asian-looking adult film actors.

“Asian porn really captures a sensual atmosphere, even in the less grandiose productions” noted self proclaimed porn expert Edmond Mewes. “Their petite bodies and their cute, fresh looking faces, is the complete anti-thesis of the usual western porn fare. For me personally, the sounds that these Asian actresses make are more than enough to capture more than my attention.”

Trailing behind Asian porn at a distant yet impressive 33% is the ever popular orgy and gang bang genre. While usually separated due to technical definitions (gang bangs usually comprise of one woman and more than one male or vice versa, while orgies or group sex have more than one of each gender) it has been considered that both have just one basic appeal.

“Whether it’s with an Asian girl, American, or European” explained Mewes, “the likelihood of one person having sex with one girl is fairly huge. Orgies however, are the types of things that don’t just happen to anyone, at least not to anyone who isn’t willing to pay for it. It’s the basic stuff of fantasy, like in the times of Caligula.”

The remaining 4% of the respondents have been scattered for other genres, like threesomes, blowjobs, hand jobs, POVs, outdoor sex and Interracial. Interesting point is that bestiality shows up in the survey more than one could expect.

“Bestiality,” said Mewes with a sigh, “is something that no one outwardly would ever admit to, but the fact that several websites exist on the so-called “interspecies erotica” should be a testament that there are any that find this particular niche interesting. That’s all I’ve got to say about that”

The survey that was conducted however, was limited to online porn viewing, and does not include video rentals and downloads.

The AFI In Need Of Porn Models.

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

There are several rumors circulating that the Adult Film Industry (AFI) is trying to create stronger brand name recognition by unveiling a mascot that would symbolize the collective industry. They wanted a lovable character who everyone can relate to. It is said that they are now scouring for porn models to produce a representative for the entire skin flick industry. What’s incredible about the circulating rumors is that there are a good number of people who actually believe it’s a good idea.

“Imagine if we had something like the McDonald’s Golden Arches for the Adult Film Industry” said one independent porn producer. While the thought of being in a business that involves some of the silliest ideas on earth can be quite amusing to many, one has to admit that comparing the porn to a global fast food chain borders on a level of ridiculous that not even a porn writer (if they do exist) could possibly conjure up. “Don’t tell me you can’t imagine the golden arches with nipples on top” he added.

Whimsical thoughts aside, we sought out the opinion of those who truly matter in the subject: the audience. A recent poll churned out some very interesting, albeit disturbing, results.

“A guy with his thing inside a pizza box would be funny as hell” said a guy no one would definitely be ordering pizzas from.

“Maybe one of the popular porn stars could just act as a liaison for the porn industry, someone hot and with big boobs” suggested by a marketing major from a prestigious university. In all fairness, he would probably graduate with flying colors with an imagination like that.

“A pool boy and a warrior princess” said one correspondent.

“I’d like to see giant dick” said a man we were not quite sure was even aware of our question.

If the rumors are true, then one can conclude that the era of the skin flick carrying any sort of mystique and respect is truly dead. Dashed are hopes of the Adult Film Industry of ever obtaining what has seemed to be, for several years, one of their more potent goals, to be regarded as a craft with class. Of course, the AFI has never been an industry without humor, but honestly, is there an actual need for a mascot? When you already rake in millions upon millions of dollars even without any publicity utilized, it is safe to say that the AFI is doing good, even without the attention seeking stunts.

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