ATLANTA, GA – Shatiqua May Johnson found an unlikely savior in an interracial porn video that had played in front of her while committing suicide. According to the police, Johnson recently separated with her partner of twelve years, Clarence “Sharqatak” Duggan. The fifty year old woman was so distraught over their break-up that she decided to take a whole bottle of Nyquil – an over-the-counter cold medicine — in the hopes of killing herself.
Thinking she would die, she propped down on her couch and accidentally sat on the dvd player remote control device. Johnson was waiting for the throws of death to arrive when porn video suddenly appeared on her television. The interracial porn in question is the newly released “White Boy Loves Black Ass Bitches XVIII” that Duggan had been watching before he gave her the news of their separation. The interracial porn video showed two black pornstars — Mya Lane and Mya Love — with Caucasian pornstar Cracker Joe Phillips.
“While I was watching Mya Lane getting her cha-cha eaten,” said Johnson with tears streaming down her face,”Mya Love had been mouthing off while she was being drilled from behind!” Johnson continues,”while I was ever so slowly drifting away, I overheard Love telling her female co-star, ‘No man will ever make her life better’. She said, ‘I am the one person who’s responsible for my happiness!’
“And then it hit me! I don’t need no dumb-ass man to make me happy. I make ME happy!”
The realization somehow clarified things for her as she rushed to the toilet and induced herself to vomit. The moment in that porn movie replaying in her throbbing head, over and over again.
She later called 911 and is now recuperating in a community hospital.
Now, she has sobered up and is professing the wonders of interracial porn. Johnson is set to appear in an upcoming episode of The Tyra Banks Show and The View.
